Note the Suckitude

Please. Even after tests are done and a three day weekend I still feel like suck. I hate it, I hate being like this, anxious about absolutely nothing, jumping at shadows and unable to enjoy the pleasures of life when they’re right there in front of me.

Friday I played Windwaker for seven hours. I thought it made me happy. Then I went over and spent the night at Bridget’s. It was pretty cool. Saturday we went to the mall and I talked with the arcade guy for an hour and a half. Or rather, he talked to me. I think he was a bit surprised to have a girl willing to listen to video game talk for that long and still be interested.

But that’s a source of stress too. Having gone to a catholic girls school for approaching 6 years and never getting out of the house, I have no social skillz, let alone boy-skills. Agh! It drives me crazy!

I called the fanfiction writer in nova scotia. WE talked for less than a minute. At least I didn’t hyperventilate this time, or shake. He said “Most people just leave an email.” “Yeah, well color me OCD,” I did not reply.

And my schedual’s screwed around and whatnot. I think I’m going to hate Contemporary Issues. Our Sociology teacher is an underquualified Home Ec woman who sews her own clothes and participation in goverments a load of projects. And my before lunch study-hall? Gone.

As if I have time to do school work on top of being a Fan! Do they know that I have to overhaul my site? How about finish a chapter of JTK which hasn’t been done in months, or start of the Powers trilogy for ATS? What about my art work? Or the one and only Xiaolin Showdown fanfic on the net? Not to mention my artwork!! I can never do things like pick up a book and read for an hour, or play a video game without FELLING HORRIBLY GUILTY that I’m neglecting my fans. My friends. My Family.

And on top of that, our math teacher pro-tem is piling on the homework. I miss the monkey man already.

I haven’t had a hallucination lately that I know of, but apperantly the other night I was pacing across the floor, talking to myself and answering in a different voice. Great Smegol syndrom. Just what I need. As if I don’t get little enough sleep as it is.

Some weirdo I barely know showed up at MY table this morning wanting to talk. My table, where no one but me (and for a moment or two before the bell Bridget) sits! What was her motivation, may I ask you? Why today and not yesterday, or before? Why at all? Is it National Preps Should Be Nice To Freaks Geeks and Losers Day? Did I have Pity Me written on my forehead? I just don’t get it.

WEll, Sorry for the rant I suppose. But that’s how it is.

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