What Twilight Lacks

Some of you know that Twilight as the book that inspired me to actually finish an entire novel; It did this by virtue of its sheer awfulness. I listened to about half of the book on tape (while working on a sewing project) before I became so absolutely disgusted with the quality of the writing; it watered down to unenjoybility some of my favorite themes and ideas; that I dropped the needle and headed for the keyboard.

Well, since I promised a friend of mine I’d go mock New Moon with him in the theatre next week, I decided I should watch the first one.

So, just moments ago I finished the entirety of the movie (with rifftrax so I wouldn’t commit suicide while watching); and I have a few thoughts. The first is that as far as I am concerned the movie is INCREDIBLY faithful to the book; especially the overall mood and pacing, which is to say that it is INCREDIBLY SLOW AND BORING. This was one of my main complaints with the book too; how do you make a vampire love story BORING? To ME?

Watching the movie of Twilight I finally figured out what really keeps me from enjoying it (at least the first book/movie). It isn’t the writing; I can enjoy badly written stories if I like the plot and the characters. I’ve sat through Sailor Moon and other shojo anime and manga; and really at the end of the day that’s what Twilight is.

It’s not Bella. I know everyone hates Bella, but I don’t. I didn’t hate her in the book. I LIKE Bella, a lot, I even empathize with her. Yes, she is a “weak-willed” female character who spends most of her time looking for a male to push her around. She’s frail emotionally, and physically (clumsy). She’s needy, but on the other hand, she knows what she wants. She wants a strong, sexy, deadly, emotionally powerful, physically powerful person to be her (yes I’m going to say it) to be her master. I can relate. And here’s where we come to what I hate about Twilight.

Edward. The boyscout, the Superman of “vampires”. He’s a pansy a goody-two-shoes who never has a moment of weakness. The titillation of the kind of romance Bella wants, and the kind that Twilight tries to pretend it portrays, comes from one thing, a trace of fear. I explored this in my Mary-Sue/Syndrome ‘Incredibles’ fanfiction, CCR. Some people want someone to serve, and someone who they know they should be a little afraid of. Bella wants Lestat and she ends up with Clark Kent.

And for me, that just kills the romance, and the enjoyment. Going back to the Sailor Moon allusion, in the first season of SM Usagi has good reasons to be afraid of Mamouru, and as long as he’s in the story, they never quite go away. He has a force of personality and a demanding persona that Edward lacks completely.

And as a Vampire; a creature of violence and sex sublimated INTo violence, that’s just inexcusable.


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