Lately I’ve been feeling very ‘un’.
Unnoticed, unwanted, unappreciated, unimportant, unreal.
It’s been going on for a while, but Christmas really brought it home. I made a point of not letting Mordax make the list by herself. We split it fifty-fifty. Mordax got a ton of things she was wanting, but me, not so much. I was had especially impressed upon mom how much I wanted KOTOR, at least I thought I had. Now I don’t know whether I should download it had HOPE it runs on our shitty computer’s shitty graphics card that wouldn’t even run the point-and-click adventure I bought a few weeks ago; or try to spend some of our (MY) Christmas money on it. Which I am leaning towards. When all I got for Christmas that I wanted was a sweater I am sure as hell keeping the Christmas money.
I guess I should expect it from my parents. It’s not like they know they’re shopping for more than one person. It’s not like I could label the list ‘David wants’ versus ‘Mordax wants’. Not like I can tell them they’re forgetting presents for me in favor of a fucking evil spirit bonded to my soul. But honestly, I feel like I get it from other people too, especially online.
Mordax just makes a bigger impression than me, doesn’t she? Everyone is just falling over themselves to laugh at her funny, sociopathic antics and blunt, no RUDE way of speaking to people. Even people who start out MY friends, as soon as they meet Mordax it’s ‘where’s Mordax?’ if they know, or ‘why so quiet?’ if they don’t.
I donno. Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing. But it feels like people put me in the category of ‘Mordax’s soulbond’ when I have been here all along, since the birth of this body, and have as much a right to it as she does. More so, even.
Sorry to chew ears off, etcetera.