I rly need some advice. Last night i got in a fight with my mom again, when i called her out on the abuse she automatically thinks im going to call the cops on her bc me trying to explain how she treats me is abuse is me trying to ruin her life to her. Im 19 and i have a hard time finding a job or movin out bc of my parents. she threatened to hurt me but she apologized later for it but rn no one in my family will talk to me. I have no where to go and they know this so i get threats of

Of being kicked out. She denies everything she ever done is wrong and says she gets mad at me bc of my “attitude”. I dont know what to do im sick of this and my bf cant help and asks me to be docile until he can move me out but its been a yr since he started saying that. Im just so overwhelmed and im just tired of it. One solution might be next…

my emotionally abusive mother has no friends and she has taken me out of college and is forcing me to live at home all of fall and spring semester and its driving me insane because i just had my first freshman year of freedom and now I’m being locked back in this cage again

I am so sorry, anon. Do you have any way to get away? A car? Someone you can live with for a few weeks while you find a job? You can also look into abuse and homeless shelters in your area, and also look for loans and college tuition help so you can go without your mother’s permission.

my mother isn’t the best person out there, she’s extremely emotionally abusive. Its weird because she can go a couple days without being abusive but then a switch flips and she goes absolutely crazy. Ive expressed to her that i have an eating disorder and she literally doesn’t care. I was sexually assaulted and she bring that up in every argument as a trump card and it leaves me feeling worse. She’s hit me a few times and she calls me a whore and digs through my stuff and trash :/

I am so sorry, anon. All of that you describe to me is abuse, and you don’t deserve that. Please remember that your mother abusing you is not your fault, and not the result of something you did, it is the result of your mother choosing to (or being unable to stop) abuse use. Try to contact your friends and sympathetic relatives and see if any of them might be able to help you with…

I have a friend (19yearsold) and he is in a horrible situation. His mom is very manipulative and even abusive to some extend. He can’t afford therapy and his mom won’t let him go anyway. How can I support him without making it worse?

Help him get a prepaid cell phone Give him a place to stay as often as you can. Just being away from abuse for a few hours can be a big relief. Remind him that he is being abused. It can be very hard for survivors to recognize their own abuse and prioritize their own safety. Reassure him that his safety and well-being is important and that you care about him. Encourage him to do…

Are there any blogs like this but for victims of rape and csa? Your blog helps me parse my feelings in a safe space but every blog I find about CSA just spews the normal “pedos should die” and that doesn’t help me parse my abuse you know?

Hi anon. I’m glad my blog can help you. Sadly, I am not familiar with any blogs like mine that focus on CSA specifically. My advice would be to look outside tumblr for blogs like this, as tumblr as a community has a lot of ‘drama’ relating to CSA that can be very unhelpful to actual survivors.

i think i might have emotionally abusive parents [i really hope not] but i do exhibit [emotionally] abusive behavior towards my younger sister imo. i don’t want to shut her down or belittle her ;; any advice??

Hi anon. My best advice to you is 1. Watch yourself for abusive behavior, and try to avoid it. If you see yourself becoming abusive, remove yourself from the situation until your mood has changed. 2. When you believe you have been abusive, apologize quickly and sincerely. 3. Ask your sister if she can try to point out abusive behavior in you when she sees it, so you can remove yourself from the situation.

Since I’ve had depression my mom has been very abusive. But when I confront her she threatens me by saying “well you can move out” but I don’t have anywhere to go and I don’t wanna live together with others.. Is this common? It makes me very sick.

I am so sorry to hear you’re in this situation, anon. I think in your case the first thing you need to do is to tackle your depression, so you CAN move out and get away from your abuser.  Find out if you have health care that covers therapy and psychiatric care. If it doesn’t, please research free or reduced fee therapy and psychiatric care in your area. Key words to look for are “sliding fee”…

I’m 21 but my family is still abusing me. I don’t have a car and my family refuses to teach me how to drive and witholds money and buys themselves things but when I ask for things I get laughed at and told to “get over it” because sometimes in life you can’t buy yourself things. I get that but it’s been literal months since I’ve been able to buy myself anything fun or nice. I’m financially dependent on my boyfriend. On top of that my family yells at me constantly and (pt1)

hey noticed I’ve been distant lately because I realized that I’ve been abused my entire life. They keep pushing family time even harder and one time accused my boyfriend of being abusive because they thought they heard him smack me and heard me say ow but he’s never hurt me in my life. They’re always making fun of my friends and when I try to talk about things and whenever I talk I get pushed…

Is it normal as an ACoN to constantly ask myself if maybe I have NPD? People are telling me how great person I am, and while I never conned or abused anyone in my life, I still feel like I am just cheating everyone by being nice to them.

Anyone who has been abused, or around abusive, toxic behavior will find themselves second guessing themselves and their own behavior. I know that I have to constantly ask myself if I am being too harsh, and to evaluate my motives for being around people and being nice to people, just because of the way my parents acted. I think that this kind of reaction is completely normal to your situation.

My mom will hit me but when I’m having an anxiety attack she sits with me and gets angry when I don’t want her there, I know she cares about me but I know what she’s doing isn’t normal and I get conflicted because I know if I say anything about it she’ll get upset I’m at a complete loss at what to do anymore and I can’t move out but I know what she’s doing is bad but is it still abuse if they care about you ?

Even if someone cares about you they can still be abusive, anon. Hitting someone is never okay, and hitting you is just about the exact OPPOSITE of what anyone should do while you’re having an anxiety attack!

I had chronic pain all my life and when I cried in public my mother called me embarrassing and say things like “what will they think” now I have depression and anger issues and when I show any negative emotion she does the same(I’m 15) is this abuse?

Anon, that is absolutely abuse. Furthermore if she denies you care for your condition, or denies it exists entirely (calls you melodramatic, pretends you don’t have a medical condition) that is ALSO abuse.

All abuse counts. There is not a bar to pass to count as ‘abused enough’. If you have experienced abuse, verbal, emotional, or physical, your trauma is valid and you deserve support.

Complete lack of privacy is abuse. Taking away your door, going through your possessions, and forcing you you to show every item you buy or receive is controlling and abusive.

Calling your child hurtful names is abuse, not teasing. If your parent calls you stupid, ugly, fat cow, loser, asshole, moron, or any other name designed to shame, hurt or otherwise be cruel that is verbal abuse.

my parents were really awful when i was younger. they’d pull me around and practically pick me up by me hair and locked me out of the house a lot. they also had a lock to lock me into my room. most of that stopped but a while back i got frustrated and kinda hit something an my dad grabbed my hair and started yelling “do you want to get violent” at me and kicked me out of the house for a few hours. this isn’t an often thing but i’m hesitant to let people touch my hair because of it. (1/?)

when people grasp my hair i freak out. my mum also always says things like “because if you don’t then i’ll make your life miserable. i also have a diagnosed learning disability that they won’t let me get and IEP(individual education plan) for and then yells at me when i mess up in school. she’s also they type that doesn’t beleive in mental illness really. the other day I tryed telling her something and she…

Can you explain how prepaid phones work?

Here’s how the phones work. You buy the phone outright. It costs about $10. Then you buy a minutes card that goes along with the service. You follow the instructions on the phone to add the minutes to your account. Your phone is then active until the minutes you added run out, then you have to buy another card and add it. Some prepaid phone services are tracphone (my favorite), boost mobile, virgine mobile, cricket,…

My parents are divorced and my mom tries to get me to “stand up” for myself when I know its going to end in a fight. She also comments about my weight among other things, but she really loves me. Is this mental abuse or am I overreacting?

It depends, anon, I can’t know exactly what your mother is saying. If she is harassing you about your weight, calling you names, picking on you i front of people, and deliberately making you feel bad, that’s abuse.

My parents constantly take stuff off of me using the excuse that it’s “theirs because they bought it”. I just bought a new phone because I broke my old one and I’m scared they’ll try to take it off of me again except I bought the phone with my own money and this time I’m scared of getting kicked out.

I am so sorry, anon. I hope that you can keep your phone safe for now. While you can, I want you to google local shelters in your area. There may be shelters specifically for victims of abuse and abandonment. If you are kicked out and have nowhere to go, you can also always go to the police station, especially if you are underage. Yes, in this situation it is likely that the police will…

Update: My parents are mocking me, comparing me to other kids, and slapping me. I don’t trust any other adults. What should I do?

I wish there was more help that I could provide. Please remember that you don’t deserve to be abused, and you WILL escape this abuse. The best resource I can provide you right now is this: https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/ The best thing about this website is they have a child abuse hotline. When calling 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453), a qualified crisis counselor will answer and assist you, if you: Need help and want to talk to a counselor. Are…

when i was little, my mom would punish me for misbehaving in public by putting me in a corner and leaving me there. a regular instance of this would be me sitting in the shopping cart, and her leaving the cart in one spot, typically a corner, and walking away. never more than like 5 to 10 feet, but it was a regular form of punishment for “misbehaving” in public. she’d love to use “stores have corners too” as a threat to behave. im hesitant to consider this neglect/withholding affection w/o (1/2)

(2/2) a second opinion, but my mom is highly emotionally abusive in other ways, and tbh i need all the proof i can get from what memories i have that what she did was wrong. thank you so much for reading this and giving me your opinion if you do <3 Anon, punishing you in public like that was a form of humiliation tactic, and definitely emotionally abusive of her. I am so sorry that…

I lost so much of my life to abuse and I don’t know who I am without it. I’m trying to unlearn it all and my friends are trying to help me but I don’t know and I’m scared and I’ve been abused by so many people because I thought it was all normal I even got r*ped because I thought it was normal I need help and I can’t get it

I am so sorry, anon. You didn’t deserve that abuse, and I’ms sorry that it affects you so strongly to this day. Many of us who were abused definitely struggle with the same difficulties. We become so used to abuse that it becomes background noise, and we expose ourselves to it again and again. Recognizing what’s happening is the first step to saying no to it, anon. And you’re very strong for doing that. I…

hi my mom hits me often and yells at me and lies to me and says im worthless and bad and she’s tried to kill me before and im worried she’ll do it again. i want to get out of my house, but without my parents help idk how i can pay for the college i go to. do you have any ideas?

I am so sorry that this is something you have to go through, anon, that’s terrible. Luckily there are definitely ways for you to pay for college without your parents help. You’ll need to talk to your school counselor for help getting more resources, but here’s what I can tell you. 1. You can get student loans if you can get a co-signer. Anyone who will cosign with you will do. A grandparent, an aunt,…

My parents only got physical when I was younger and it wasn’t that bad but I feel like they still are emotionally abusing me. But I feel so invalid because other people had it so much worse and I was hit a few times and need years of therapy for it.

Please, anon, and anyone else reading this, never feel bad or invalid because you weren’t abused ‘enough’. Someone somewhere always has it ‘worse’ than someone else. Does that mean only the suffering of one single person on earth who has it the ‘worst’ is valid? No. Your feelings, your pain and trauma are valid and legitimate, no matter how much or little abuse you suffered. Abuse is abuse. Its traumatic, its hurtful, and it can require years and…

My mom constantly threatens to kick me out? Like if I complain about something she’ll say “if you don’t like it, then leave. Here is the phone call the cops if I’m so abusive” but she’s also given me an hour to decide to do what she wants me to do or to leave the house. We once actually had cps in the house because she gave my brother a humiliating punishment and someone called cps. I wish they had found something wrong, but I’m was too scared and stupid to say anything.

Hey anon, I’m so sorry you have to go through that. Threatening to kick you out is abuse, by itself, and you don’t deserve that. My parents did the same thing to me. I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re old enough to start thinking about moving out, you definitely should. If you’re not old enough to start making plans to move out, what you should do is talk to a friend’s…

Is it still abuse if my mom only hits me under certain circumstances? Whenever my grades don’t satisfy her things get pretty rough but when she’s happy with them nothing ever happens to me, I’ve had people tell me that that’s not normal but I thought everyone’s parents did that ?

Anon, I am so sorry to hear about this. Your friends are right, it is not normal or healthy for your parents to hit you under any circumstances. Its abuse. Think about it. Is it ever okay for another adult to hit a child? Why would it be okay for a parent? Please, if you need someone to talk to, feel free to send me another ask, or a message, any time. Here’s a story…

The single best piece of advice I can offer young people currently in, and recently escaping environments of abuse is this: If you at all possibly can, buy yourself a $10 prepaid cell phone at walmart and hide it. Give the number only to people you trust and keep your abusers completely unaware of it. If you can’t get one for yourself, get a friend to get it for you and smuggle it to you.…