I am so sorry, anon. You didn’t deserve that abuse, and I’ms sorry that it affects you so strongly to this day. Many of us who were abused definitely struggle with the same difficulties. We become so used to abuse that it becomes background noise, and we expose ourselves to it again and again.
Recognizing what’s happening is the first step to saying no to it, anon. And you’re very strong for doing that. I bet if you spent some time on google checking your local resources you could find a center that does free therapy. If you want to write back off anon and give me your state, I could help find some specific resources for you.