I’m 21 but my family is still abusing me. I don’t have a car and my family refuses to teach me how to drive and witholds money and buys themselves things but when I ask for things I get laughed at and told to “get over it” because sometimes in life you can’t buy yourself things. I get that but it’s been literal months since I’ve been able to buy myself anything fun or nice. I’m financially dependent on my boyfriend. On top of that my family yells at me constantly and (pt1)

hey noticed I’ve been distant lately because I realized that I’ve been abused my entire life. They keep pushing family time even harder and one time accused my boyfriend of being abusive because they thought they heard him smack me and heard me say ow but he’s never hurt me in my life. They’re always making fun of my friends and when I try to talk about things and whenever I talk I get pushed away and my cat is being threatened constantly. I’m scared. (Pt three)

My bf and I have plans of living together as soon as possible so I can safely transition (I’m trans) and until then he’s been buying me the essentials my family refuses to get for me, but I am still home even though I’m going away soon cause im expected to go home every weekend whenever and stuff and they’ve been oppressively on top of my life forever and it’s just getting worse this is long and messy I’m sorry I need advice of what to do I need to dampen the abuse please help me (pt 3/3I think)

Hi anon. I am so, so sorry that you’re having to go through this. It sounds like you are in a very toxic and abusive situation, and that’s terrible. I am so glad that you have the support of your boyfriend to rely on.

The first advice I have is that if your boyfriend has the money, ask him to help you go to a driving school. That way you will not have to rely on your parents to teach you to drive. Once you have a drivers license you will have many more employment opportunities, even if you don’t have a car.

Secondly, if there is any way you can prevent it, do NOT go back to your home every weekend. It sounds like your parents aren’t providing for you in any way financially, so if they ‘cut you off’ the effect should not hamper your ability to live. Please do not force yourself to spend time with these toxic people because they say that you ‘have’ to.

Its a little hard to tell from your message, but if you aren’t out in an apartment, away from your parents now, you and your bf need to move ASAP. Remember that you can look into renting a single room if you can not afford a full apartment, and remember that even a small studio apartment is miles better than living with your abusers.

Lastly, remember that nothing you can do can stop another person from abusing you. There is no set of actions that will make the abuse stop besides getting away from your abuser. 

There is not a magical set of actions that you can preform that would stop or reduce the abuse you receive and this is because the abuse is not your fault!

Abuse is not caused by a failing in the victim, it is caused by a failing in the abuser.

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