Abusers, especially abusive parents, don’t want to believe they are/were abusive. The especially do not not want *you* to believe that they were abusive. Abusers always will go out of their way to minimize the harm they have done, and blame lasting damage on the person they abused, saying that you deserved it, or it wasn’t that big a deal, etc. This is gaslighting, and its more abuse.
Your mother insulting you when you opened up to her about facing depression, was abuse. “washing her hands of you’ (neglect) was abuse. Sitting on you (!!) was *absolutely* abuse.
I hope this helps, and I hope that if you discuss these episodes with therapists that they validate your experiences. Because what you have experienced is abuse.