I have trouble knowing if my parents are abusive. My friends say from my descriptions they are but idk. When they’re mad, my dad yells for hours and insults us and has threatened to throw us out twice (I’m a legal adult but dependent on them; my brother is a teen), and my mom mocks and insults me, and occasionally throws things. But that’s not all the time; usually they’re just kind of controlling and want us to do what they think we should (getting mad if we disagree). (1/?) ☂️

I barely remember any of my childhood so I can’t say if anything worse did or didn’t happen. I’ve been told things my brother and I do, like communicating their mood and acting too happy or like a mediator to avoid anger/punishment and looking forward to my dad’s work trips, point to being abused too. But it feels like they’re pretty kind/rational about half the time, so I’m not sure if it counts. (2/3) ☂️

Plus I have lived with someone who was so emotionally abusive I was afraid to leave my room and although I might be wary it’s not THAT bad here so I’m really confused (sorry for multiple asks, I would have submitted but it’s not on) 3/3 ☂️

Anon, let me address your question point by point.

When they’re mad, my dad yells for hours and insults us and has threatened to throw us out twice (I’m a legal adult but dependent on them; my brother is a teen), and my mom mocks and insults me, and occasionally throws things.

All of that is abusive behavior, whether you are a legal adult, or not. Screaming at your for hours (terrorizing you), insulting you and throwing things at you are all abuse. A mix of physical and psychological/emotional abuse.

But that’s not all the time;

Abusive behavior doesn’t have to be all the time. Its abusive whenever it happens. If it happens once, its an abusive episode. If it happens over time, its a pattern of abuse.

usually they’re just kind of controlling and want us to do what they think we should (getting mad if we disagree)

Attempting to control your behavior to a significant degree, especially if you are a legal adult, is abuse. Abusive parents are very good at arguing that something might be ‘for your own good’ but no, controlling you is abuse.

I barely remember any of my childhood so I can’t say if anything worse did or didn’t happen.

I am sorry to tell you this, but difficulty remembering your childhood is often a symptom of trauma and abuse.

I’ve been told things my brother and I do, like communicating their mood and acting too happy or like a mediator to avoid anger/punishment and looking forward to my dad’s work trips, point to being abused too.

Yes, all those behaviors are classic signs of having been abused. Feeling like you have to be a mediator to avoid punishment is a sign of abuse. Having to ‘parent your own parents’ is a sign of abuse.

Plus I have lived with someone who was so emotionally abusive I was afraid to leave my room and although I might be wary it’s not THAT bad

Just because one person is more abusive than the other doesn’t make the first person not abusive. The sun is hotter than a forest fire, but that doesn’t mean that the forest fire can’t burn you to death.

I’m sorry that you have been abused, anon. I know its hard to cope with. Please if you have any more questions, feel free to ask.

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