When my parents get upset with me, they scream and yell and they say some reallly,,, really bad things (like that ill have to sell myself on the street if i dont wanna be dependant on them, that they always wish i was “normal”, like they were going to kick me out, etc) but like … when we arent fighting we look like a completely 100% normal home. They never mention the fights to apologize or make me apologize, they never bring up the subject later (part 1) -cs

its almost like when we arent actually fighting, the fights never happened in the first place. If i get upset or mad later about something they said, they deny saying it and say im exagerating or over reacting. Ive started writing down what they say right after the fight so that i know im not making it up because i feel ! like im going crazy !!! everyone who knows them thinks theyre the nicest people ever! i fear talking about what they say to me bc i feel like im being a bad child, (part 2) -cs

… being a bad child for even bringing it up, i feel like im trying to make them seem worse than they are because any other time theyre perfect. Is there… a word for this? Im scared bc i never know what to expect and i cant even tell my therapist about the fights because im scared she wont believe me. i feel bad for being angry bc they’re SUCH NICE PEOPLE any other time. but we fight maybe 3x a week and then theyre horrible to me (part 3, the end) -cs

Anon, there is a word for this. It is call emotion abuse, psychological abuse, and gaslighting.

Abusers are very good at hiding in plain sight, making the outside world think they are perfect and wonderful, and making you doubt your own experiences.

You know you are being abused. I am so glad you have started writing down what they say to you, because that is such a good tactic to overcome gaslighting. (gaslighting is when abusers deny reality and make you think that you are wrong about what happened).

You are not a bad child, you are an abused child. Fighting three times a week and being screamed at and insulted isn’t normal, its abuse. And your parents are hiding their abuse from the world by pretending everything is normal.

Has your therapist ever told your parents information that you gave them in private? If not, I think you should tell your therapist what is going on. A good therapist will believe you and support you. But if you think that they will go and rat you out to your parents, don’t risk it.

Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help, with validation, ideas on how to get out/recover, etc. I hope that this has helped, and I wish you the best.

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