Thank you for responding so kindly to my ask. It cleared a few things up for me. I don’t know what to do though. I could report it but no one would believe me. Plus my the majority of my family would back them up, those that don’t I probably won’t be able to see them again. I don’t want to lose contact with my cousins and aunts. I think I can get out within a few years. I’m just scared that cutting them off with provoke something and I’ll lose my whole family

I understand your feelings. Please stay strong and don’t give in to gaslighting and abuse. I know you can get out and live a full, healthy life and start to recover. If you ever need any help or resources, please don’t hesitate to send another message.

thank you so so much for answering that ask. i’ve had a really hard time trying to find out the situation and what was going on, my mum has never seen him as an “abuser” so she considers his behaviour normal and because of my mental illnesses etc he considers everything to be my fault, and the same thing kinda goes for anyone. when i actually talk about how he treats me i have literally been told it’s just my disorder and the way it makes me see things, so thank you for giving me 1/2

the validation i needed because i always felt like it was wrong, my mum used to be quite bad for it too but recently she’s gotten better because she accepts her faults but my dad I don’t think ever will because I’ve tried to talk to him before and he just got angry, it’s been very difficult to be able to tell what I’ve gone through because those kind of situations tend to be normalised…

Hey is what I experienced actually abuse? It’s less than other folks who’ve been asking you here recently and I feel bad. I have like no memories of being a kid and my parents sent me to a preschool that they knew took no interest in my safety even though they could’ve sent me somewhere else. They probably hit me– I know they hit my brother and later lied to us about it with almost the same words they used to reassure me that I was never hit. They gaslit me about my height, telling me I (1/? ✷)

✷ I was shorter than my mom even after I was taller than her and when I said I was 5’2" they insisted I was wrong and still shorter than my mom even though she’s 5’1.5". Also I got yelled at and called son of a b**** when I forgot to unpack my lunchbox and accused of faking my mental illness. And they’re really exorsexist (enbyphobic) and I’m nb so I can’t come out to…

i have unwanted sexual thoughts about my father and i feel scared when i’m alone with him. could this be a sign of repressed trauma?

a lot of people have unwanted sexual thoughts (intrusive thoughts) about people, even family members. While this could be a result of repressed abuse, there is no reason to jump to that as a cause immediately. It could also be the result of hypersexuality as a feature of some mental illness. Or the result of some other kind of trauma. or just intrusive thoughts. If these thoughts disturb you, I strongly recommend that you speak…

I have practically no memory of my childhood. But then, recent memories are foggy too and it takes effort to remember details. Buuut I’m still an abusive household. Will my memory get better do you think or just stay very foggy except in the moment?

It entirely depends, anon. I have memory problems due to dissociation and trauma related to abuse too. Starting recovery can help, and I recommend talking with an empathetic therapist or counselor who understands what you’re going through.

Hey, do any of your followers have a song that is like, really special and has some story connected to surviving abuse? I feel we should share stories maybe? Mine is Rosanna by Toto. When I was a kid the only time I ever got to be away from my moms manipulative controlling behavior 100% was when I went to grab something for me at the supermarket. The supermarket would play Rosanna all the time. I swear sometimes multiple times in a row. I now associate the song with a sense of freedom.

For me its Christmas carols, anon. My parents were always very careful to behave when we were around relatives at Christmas, so I have a lot of positive memories of that.

i.. tried to kill myself a week ago. i ended up telling a friend ((i figured maybe someone should know?? like.. to know what happened)) but she ended up picking me up and taking me to the nearest hospital (i was not given a choice in this,,) ((but shes so good to me i dont deserve it.)) my mothers response to all this was just to get annoyed/angry at my friend for not taking me to the specific childrens hospital (ill be 18 in a month) that she wanted. i just… is that a normal response,,?

(((hospital anon))) she didnt really.. act like she cared at all. shes still back to her normal ways of screaming at me until i cry and then yelling at me for crying…. i only got out of the hospital and psychiatric ward on tuesday…… it… doesnt feel like she loves me 🙁 Anon, it is not normal for your parent to respond to your trauma, injury and distress with anger. Screaming and yelling at you…

(call me star ✨) im scared that im overreacting to everything. my father scares me deeply and i have anxiety about doing chores because he would yell and scream at me for hours when i wouldnt do them right. i couldnt do a whole unit in math class due to memories of his yelling..but there are times hes caring and nice to me. im so scared ive been wrong this whole time.

Hi Star. 🙂 I’m really sorry but its not normal for a child to be scared of their parents, it is a major sign of abuse. It is no wonder your are scared of your father, because he abused you by screaming at you and terrorizing you for hours. I am so sorry that the memory of this abuse and trauma is having a negative impact on your school work. Its very normal for abusive…

hi i wanted to ask if my mom is abusive if: she screams at me every day for the smallest things(like not anwsering the first time she calls me) threating to hit me with a belt and belliteling me everyday because im not good in school and calling me useless and unworthy and telling me i should be more like my older sibling and saying she wished she never had me (she also once threw a plate at me) and im scared to make her mad 24/7 i have cried and started selfharming because of this (im only 12)

@fairlylocaledgelord your mother is abusive. I am so sorry you are experiencing this abuse, and I hope you will be able to get away soon. Threatening to hit you is abuse. Screaming at you is abuse. Insulting you and telling you you are worthless is abuse. Throwing things at you is abuse and assault. Please look for friends or relatives who might be able to understand your situation and take you in, and check the…

hello, i’m scared of being around my dad because he’s very short tempered and gets angry at me. we’ve got in arguments where he’d raise his fist to me and everyone considers his behaviour normal, he belittles me and makes me feel awful. one time i asked him why he was so confident and he said he wasn’t going to tell me anything because I “use it against him”, he was never there for me when i was in hospital and both my parents ignored me while i was. my mum is getting better but i was 1/2

2/2 just wondering if you would consider my situation abusive? he’s definitely verbally abusive and never offers emotion support but does to his girlfriend and her daughter, he consistently makes me feel like a bad person and shouts at me if i ask questions about anything. it’s really upsetting for me and i don’t see him much at all but i was just wondering if you have any ideas on how to cope with the…

My parents have slapped me with hands shoes, thrown things at me. Ect. They’ve thrown me across the room into a wall and pick on me constantly. Then tell me I’ve no reason to be unhappy and flinch when I’m near them. They’ve invaded my privacy and manipulate me into guilty feelings. How do I get out? I can’t report it, I’m close to 16.!

Being 16 doesn’t mean you can’t report it, anon, but I understand if you chose not to.  I am so sorry that your parents have been abusing you like this. It sounds like they are physically and emotionally abusive, as well as badly gaslighting you. You should look in the tags list for tips on escaping abuse. Some avenues that you might want to start with are: *researching youth shelters *finding friends or relatives who…

my mom keeps wanting me to come back to her house even though im trying to get away from her. im at my dads, and i have a right to be where i want to be (im 16) my mom has abused me/my sisters and lately whenever i think of her i just go numb. she’s forcing me to come over and “talk” but i know she’s going to want to yell at me again. im really scared. my counselor told me i should take a break from her and so has my dad, but now she won’t talk to me over text and is “threatening” to call my dad

Listen to your counselor and your dad, anon. Don’t engage with your mother when she’s like this. You know what’s going to happen, no matter what she says. She’s just going to abuse you. Here are some tips on setting and keeping boundaries with your abusive parents. http://oftoxicparents.tumblr.com/post/160558648233/setting-boundaries-with-your-abusive-parents

Where would the line be crossed for a mentally ill parent to become flat out abusive? And is it possible for one child to be abused more than another? I have a parent who seems to use manipulation under the guise of their illness, and while I don’t want to think of them as abusive, they’re ticking off symptoms one by one. My poor sister is just starting college and is getting a lot of the trouble, whereas I’m mostly left alone because they “don’t feel like I’ll get into trouble much”

Abusive behaviors and patterns are abusive no matter who is behind them, or what is causing them. Mental illness is a reason for abuse, but it is not an excuse for it. You do not deserve or have to tolerate or understand abuse from a mentally ill parent any more than you do from a non-mentally ill parent. Mental illness does not negate the harm and trauma that abuse cause. As for whether one child…

Not sure if this was abuse or not. I was always scared of my father. He was on drugs, threatened me with death, abused my mom, and yelled. I’m not a quick person and he got upset at me when I couldn’t keep up at his pace while trying to do things. “You’re not a retard, don’t act like one” or “What is wrong with you?” We never could seem to keep our basic utillites on, like water and electric, bc he spent the money on drugs. When I was young, he pushed my mom down stairs. (*Part 1*)

(*Part 2*) She was lying on the floor bleeding and unconsious, while he ran out the back door, and I was panicked and terrified. I blacked out after that, and have no memory of what came next. I’m sorry, I just felt like. I needed validation of some kind bc the stairs incident was 1 time?? he says he loves us. My mom loves him and says all of it was her fault so if…

Sometimes I dont really know if I’m a victim of abuse. I’m really just scared I’m being overdramatic. But this seems like a place where I could try and recount all of what happened, just to see. My dad is a special guy. He expects me to be perfect, do sports, be perfectly thin and fit, have all A’s (even though my high school is literally designed to CHALLENGE me) and be very obedient. When he sees that I have a B or C in a class, I get yelled at, called a failure or a disappointment. (Part 1)

(Part 2) He never hits me, but when I cry because his insults hurt my feelings, I’m called a crybaby, manipulative, or even histrionic (I do NOT have HPD). He claims that I try to manipulate him by crying, and that he “wont fall for that bullshit”. He treats my art (which I’m very attached to) like it’s garbage. I can show him my finest painting and he’ll be like “dont waste your time on…

(1/?) My mother has sorta mellowed out in the past few months, but when I was younger, she acted pretty crazy. Whenever I made a little mistake (like spilling a glass of water for example) she would beat me with belts and stuff, and on occasion has left some black and blue bruises on my siblings. She would also scream a lot of nasty insults at us (such as “I hate you” or using offensive names like bitch and faggot) Sometimes she apologizes, but its really passive aggressive, like she’ll say

(2/?) “I’m sorry for making you upset, but I will not apologize for punishing you” I’m not entirely sure if all this is considered abuse though, since she’s not always like this. She can be super duper nice too, and give me lots of compliments, but then the next minute, she’ll go back to her old ways. It’s pretty scary to be honest. But I don’t really blame her for all the bad things she…

hi, i just wanted to share my experiences w/my mom with abuse. she is someone that will gaslight you if you try to defend/make a valid point. she has high self expectations and puts those on her children (me and my two older sisters). i grew up in a house that no matter what you did, that being talking back, arguing, it was met with anger from her. she would push you into walls, yell, make you feel horrible. then afterwards would “apologize” and act like she did nothing wrong. – Fay (1/2)

-Fay (2/2) I remember hearing my mom on the phone say,(she was also drinking and smoking, which is normal for her) “I can’t wait ‘till im old and forget my kids” which makes the guilt burn even brighter. but i try to tell myself i haven’t done anything wrong, yet it feels like i have. i think she likes to victimize herself. luckily, if i ever need to get away from her, i go to…

So, I just realized that even though I would have called myself a feminist and against abuse, I’ve been teaching my baby sister that it is okay for me to grab her and give her a hug or tickle her, even though I know she hates it. I love her very much, and I want to teach her to stand up for herself. Am I being abusive by tickling her and hugging her? How do I stop? And how do I did this problem? Please help! I love my sister so much, and I don’t ever want to see her get hurt.

Our society has a real problem when it comes to the bodily autonomy of children. While your actions may be considered abusive, you are not doing anything that hasn’t been repeatedly modeled to you and condoned by a society that says that children essentially have no rights of their own. What you can do to stop is to remind yourself that your little sister DOES have bodily autonomy and rights, and that she can express…

1) Hi, I’m confused on wether I’m being/was abused by my parents.. I can’t remember much of my childhood, but what I can is my dad smashing my DS with a hammer once and yelling at me, me seeing my aunt stumbling around when I was left alone to take a nap at a party, my favorite older cousin being arrested for DUIs, my mom and dad spanking me a lot (I think one of them slapped me once). Recently all they do is argue and yell at each other and me and my brother, it makes me anxious and I think

2) think I’m being abused emotionally because my grades are never good enough if they’re not A’s because that’s what my parents drilled into me so I get panic attacks if I think I’ll get less, and I jump when they come in my room, and they say that I’m addicted to my phone but I use it as a coping mechanism to distract myself from self hatred, my mood swings and anxiety. They pretended…

Setting boundaries with your abusive parents

Here are some ideas for those people who are not comfortable fully cutting off their abusive parents, and want to establish good boundaries. Start with distance contact. Only emails or only texts. If they exhibit abusive or demanding behavior, tell them you will not respond until they apologize. Do not answer phone calls from them. Only talk to them when you are ready. If they call and you are feeling emotionally ready to talk to…

(1)hi!! firstly thanks so much for putting up resources like this. they’re so validating! i do have a question though. i’m a college student who experienced emotional/psychological abuse from my mom when i was younger. i can recognize based on lists that the way she treated me and my sister was abusive. but in practice a lot of the time i feel like a faker. she belittled and mocked me frequently for the things i liked and disliked, and yelled at me at length over very small things (cont)

(2) that would eventually turn into repeated rehashing of my personal flaws. she was terribly controlling when it came to clothes, hair, makeup, and media consumption (music, tv, internet, etc). but the issue is, now that i’m out of her house most of the year and she has significantly less control over my life, she’s calmed down considerably. i still don’t feel comfortable telling her anything about my personal interests or feelings because i know…

I was never hit, but Im yelled at alot. I have the same behavior as an autistic person, my mom knew and punished me for being “strange and difficult”. I fear more has happened in my past, but I can’t remember anything from childhood. My memory used to be somewhat okay, but now I cant even remember what I’ve just done moments ago. I forget where I’m and what Im doing, and Im scared that more happened to me in the past. A friend said I have symptoms of sexual abuse (hes a csa victim). Any advice?

Trouble remembering childhood events can be a sign of trauma and abuse, sexual or non-sexual. Please remember that non-sexual abuse can be just as damaging as sexual abuse.  If you are in a position to I recommend seeking therapy. A qualified and empathetic therapist can help you worth through memories of trauma and figure out whether there is more that you don’t remember. And just as a reminder, anon, yelling at you and punishing you…

Do you have any ways to get out of spending time with your abusive mother on mothers day?

This is hard, and will depend a lot on your situation, anon. Do you still live with your mother? There might be no way for you to escape spending time with your mother without further abusive consequences. If there’s no way that you can escape spending time with your mother, I recommend making time for yourself after that contact to practice healing behaviors and reaffirming your worth as a person, reminding yourself that what you…

So my dad has been verbally abusive my whole life. There was a time when this verbal abuse made me feel so utterly worthless, I almost committed suicide because I thought I deserved to die. It’s been years and I’ve gotten better and stopped caring about his opinion of me. But the problem is that when he’s being verbally abusive, it changes how I think others see me and I can’t tell how much is trauma/low self esteem and how much is real. How can I get rid of this?

Unfortunately, anon, there’s not an easy answer here. People’s words effect us, and how we feel, even if the person saying those words is a stranger. When the person is a parent, someone who is supposed to nurture us and be trustworthy, then it is even harder not to be effected by those words. My father is also very verbally abusive, to the point where I sometimes ‘hear’ his voice in my head when I do…