1) Hi, I’m confused on wether I’m being/was abused by my parents.. I can’t remember much of my childhood, but what I can is my dad smashing my DS with a hammer once and yelling at me, me seeing my aunt stumbling around when I was left alone to take a nap at a party, my favorite older cousin being arrested for DUIs, my mom and dad spanking me a lot (I think one of them slapped me once). Recently all they do is argue and yell at each other and me and my brother, it makes me anxious and I think

2) think I’m being abused emotionally because my grades are never good enough if they’re not A’s because that’s what my parents drilled into me so I get panic attacks if I think I’ll get less, and I jump when they come in my room, and they say that I’m addicted to my phone but I use it as a coping mechanism to distract myself from self hatred, my mood swings and anxiety. They pretended to support me when I came out to them as asexual biromantic but then got me alone in the car and manipulated me

3)into saying that I was confused, and I do have therapy, but I don’t get much time to talk about my real issues (not that I would talk about some, like my self dxed bpd that I’m pretty sure stemmed from repressed trauma of some kind) because mom is always harping on my “lack of independence”, when sometimes she won’t let me do things on my own anyways. Also last night I wanted to talk to my fp because often she has trouble sleeping and nightmares, but mom criticized and said that my friend was

4)being “inconsiderate” to me by texting at night, but my fp is one of the nicest people I know, and she understands about my parents b/c hers are like that too. When I try to tell mom about how she is, she says that “at least we don’t hit you or kick you out”, and never once apologizes or really tries to fix herself. Her parents were physically and emotionally abusive to her, but she can’t see that I’m depressed and split on her a lot to hate her, and she reels me back by guilt

5)tripping me and saying she “only wants the best for me”, but if that were true why couldn’t she see what she’s doing? Sometimes I feel guilty for not realizing sooner how my parents are to us, and I know that whatever trauma happened isn’t my fault, but I feel like when I was younger I must’ve idealized my parents because I used to be an only child so all I had was them, so that might’ve led me to be blind to it all… it hurts coming to realize it, and when I told mom about how I how I felt she

6) she joked and said, “oh let’s call cps since I’m such a bad mother, they’ll take you!” she jokes about it and she doesn’t suggest how she and dad could improve the situation. They’re talking about maybe adopting another kid (brothers adopted), and I feel bad for whoever it would be.

I am so sorry you’re going through this, @awesomedaisyisd. All of the behaviors that you’ve described are abusive.

Smashing your DS was abusive.Spanking you was abusive. Telling you you’re not good enough is abusive. Disregarding your feelings on your sexual/romantic identity is abusive. And telling you ‘at least we don’t hit you’ is a major tactic of emotional abusers and gaslighters.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with and come to terms with this abuse, anon. I hope that you will be able to escape this situation soon, and start to recover.

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