hello, i’m scared of being around my dad because he’s very short tempered and gets angry at me. we’ve got in arguments where he’d raise his fist to me and everyone considers his behaviour normal, he belittles me and makes me feel awful. one time i asked him why he was so confident and he said he wasn’t going to tell me anything because I “use it against him”, he was never there for me when i was in hospital and both my parents ignored me while i was. my mum is getting better but i was 1/2

2/2 just wondering if you would consider my situation abusive? he’s definitely verbally abusive and never offers emotion support but does to his girlfriend and her daughter, he consistently makes me feel like a bad person and shouts at me if i ask questions about anything. it’s really upsetting for me and i don’t see him much at all but i was just wondering if you have any ideas on how to cope with the situation? i don’t want to leave him bc i still love him

Anon, threatening you by raising his fist to you is legally considered assault. (Actually laying hands on you would legally speaking be assault and battery). Raising his hands to you is also physically abusive. He is menacing you in order to control you. People around you consider it normal because they are either abusers, or victims of abuse who have been gaslit into accepting this kind of behavior as normal.

Your father is verbally, emotionally and physically abusive toward you. He doesn’t support you and he doesn’t contribute anything positive to your life. I know you love him and that is okay, but you need to move towards being able to cut him out of your life, or being able to control when you have contact with him. I hope that you will be able to do that soon.

In the meantime the best way that you can cope is by accepting and reminding yourself that his behavior is abusive and not normal, and that you are a victim of abuse.

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