-Fay (2/2) I remember hearing my mom on the phone say,(she was also drinking and smoking, which is normal for her) “I can’t wait ‘till im old and forget my kids” which makes the guilt burn even brighter. but i try to tell myself i haven’t done anything wrong, yet it feels like i have. i think she likes to victimize herself. luckily, if i ever need to get away from her, i go to my dads house. she’s honestly so terrifying to me. if she even raises her voice at me, I burst into tears.
I am so sorry your mother does that to you, Fay. You don’t deserve any of it, and I am so glad that you recognize it for what it is, abuse and gaslighting. I am so glad that you have a place to go to get away from her, and I hope that soon you will be in a position to fully break contact with her if you decide that’s what is healthiest for you.