Not sure if this was abuse or not. I was always scared of my father. He was on drugs, threatened me with death, abused my mom, and yelled. I’m not a quick person and he got upset at me when I couldn’t keep up at his pace while trying to do things. “You’re not a retard, don’t act like one” or “What is wrong with you?” We never could seem to keep our basic utillites on, like water and electric, bc he spent the money on drugs. When I was young, he pushed my mom down stairs. (*Part 1*)

(*Part 2*) She was lying on the floor bleeding and unconsious, while he ran out the back door, and I was panicked and terrified. I blacked out after that, and have no memory of what came next. I’m sorry, I just felt like. I needed validation of some kind bc the stairs incident was 1 time?? he says he loves us. My mom loves him and says all of it was her fault so if she can move on and love him, why cant I? Everything is so confusing, and part of me hates myself for not loving him and moving on.

Anon, I am so sorry that you have experienced abuse like this so bad that its impossible for you to recognize it as abuse. My heart breaks reading your message, as it does a lot of the messages that I get.

Children are not supposed to be scared of their parents. The fact that you say right off that you are scared of your father would tell me he’s almost certainly abusive, no matter what you said afterward.

The fact is you paint a picture of a man who was completely erratic, threatened a small child with death, abused a woman he supposedly cared for, called children names and never provided for them.

Your father is extremely physically violent, and has nearly killed your mother before. I am so sorry that she is so trapped in the cycle of abuse that she can’t get away from your father.  Your mother is being abused, and so are you. 

Whether or not your father loves you or claims to love you is irrelevant. His actions are frightening, abusive and destructive. 

I am hoping very hard that you and your mother can get away from this frightening, violent, abusive man.

Please, anon, look around this blog and look at the tips I have for escaping abuse. I strongly urge you to find a relative or friend to stay with, or to call the cops next time your father is being violent. This man is not a healthy person to be around you and your family.

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