can it even be abuse if I’m not a kid anymore? I’m 22 and my father hasn’t hit me in years, he just tries to control everything I do & gets really mad when I try to do something he doesn’t approve of. but he doesn’t lock me up or anything, he just gets mad & says stuff like I’m not his daughter or calls me stupid and then doesn’t talk to me for a few days/weeks. I’m supposed to be an adult, so I COULD just put all my stuff in my car and drive away? and I don’t, so it can’t be that bad, right?

Abuse is abuse, is abuse, is abuse. It doesn’t matter how old you are, the way they are treating you is not right. Imagine two other adults treating one another that way. Is it abuse? Yes it is.

This isnt really a question. I just want it to more widely known that coddling can be abuse too. My parents were so over protective of me that I never learned how people work. Their “good intentions” for me gave me severe anxiety that I didn’t know wasnt normal. Apparently not being able to make eye contact with people and being constantly worried about everyone hating you isnt normal. More people need to know its not just yelling and hitting. Sometimes it “wanting the best for you” too

Absolutely, anon. Being “overprotective” can definitely become abuse quite easily. Anyone who doesn’t think so should go ahead and watch Disney’s Tangled.

Hey I’m the 21 year old who feels stuck. Thank you thank you for answering and the advice. (1) I meant I have 2 jobs and I feel stupid about that xD and (2) I have a 16 year old brother. And he usually acts super uncaring but last night he asked when I was moving out and said staying alone with them was scary. Nothing they do is illegal so he can’t just leave but now I feel horrible. One more piece of advice would be appreciated, sorry for the inconvenience

Sorry I misread about your jobs, anon! Good for you. I am honestly impressed and proud of you for doing so much. As for your brother… oof. I am so sorry that he’s a part of this abusive household too. It would be nice if you were able to take him with you when you leave, but you need to be your own first priority. if you can’t take him with you immediately, remember that…

Is it insensitive/hurtful to people who never knew their fathers or in whatever way don’t have a dad, to say that I don’t have a dad because mine was and is really abusive and I’m doing my best to cut him out of my life? Can I call him my sperm donor or something? He really wasn’t a dad.

It is absolutely not insensitive or hurtful to others for you to disown your abuser. You are absolutely in the right to do this, and many children of toxic parents do the same thing. You can call him sperm donor, or call him abuser, or any other word that you think fits the terrible things that he did to you.  I am so proud of you for being able to get away and distance yourself…

I don’t really know if this is abuse. I’m scared of my mother to the point of not wanting to leave my room for anything other than my own basic needs, if that. My mom can be very nice and reasonable at times, but she gets really mean a lot as well. She is convinced I don’t have any type of mental illness, even when I show all the symptoms for it, and she blames it on me not caring about my school work when my grades start to slip. I try really hard. (1/2)

(2/2) It’s just hard for me to focus when I start going numb or I get extremely anxious. She’s used my own diary entries against me, showing them to my doctor as proof that I have a “porn addiction” (I watch it once every few weeks, if that), tried to force me to go on the birth control chip, forced me to go to church when she found out I’m Wiccan, and refuses to call…

hey there, my therapist revealed to me recently something that I already knew, but didn’t have a name for, that I have a toxic parent. My mother and I have had issues for a long time. She has basically ruined my life. I go to community college and have to live with her for at the least, 6 more months. I just want any advice you could give for dealing with having to be with her in the coming months. I can barely stand to be around her. She has broken me down mentally and emotionally.

Hi anon, I’m so glad you’ll be able to get out of your abusive situation soon, and I hope that you can make that move permanent. Until you can get out, some tips I have are: 1. No matter what your abuser says, remember that its about them, not you. Even if their words are very hurtful, they’re not true. 2. Try to stay out of the house/out of the way as much as possible/practical.…

I’m 21 living with my emotionally abusive parents. I lived away from them on an exchange trip but my host mom was more abusive so that doesn’t count. Last semester I was away at college but…I felt worse? Less secure and dissociated and depressed and just doing the same routine and being more isolated. I dropped out because they said they wouldn’t help me anymore unless I applied for a military program (they tried to backpedal but too late) 1/2

And now I’m scared I’ll never be able to take care of myself. I ate at the cafeteria and didn’t have monthly bills and struggle with daily tasks as well as surviving socially. When left alone I mostly just read and watch tv. It doesn’t help that I have 1 jobs but I’m still not sure I could afford to live, but they’re the first jobs ever that my mental health can take. And I’m…

My parents are so confusing. One moment they mock me for my mental health issues and gloat about my self harming but then they ignore me completely? Plus they constantly invalidate my emotions, I had a four hour panic attack with crying and hysteria and they wouldn’t let me out the room. They control my life almost entirely and I barely get any respite. They yell at me for not sleeping and ignore my screaming as I wake up from nightmares. My dad has serious anger issues and continues (part 1/2)

Put me and my sister in a constant state of fear. He almost killed us by driving in front of a tram. Another thing is my parents refuse to acknowledge my sexuality and yet they have gay relatives? They confuse me and I don’t know if I’m being over emotional and stupid but I’m actually terrified in this house. My mum yells at me all the time. I’m just so lost and I’m sorry this…

I don’t know if my dad is abusive to be sort of like he has been rough with me a few times but for the most part all he does is just stay in his own lane and not talk to me and he leaves the house for days at a time and I hardly ever get to see him because of his work schedule but if I get anything less than an A on even an assignment I usually get yelled at and if I mess up I get yelled at for being clumsy or being too lazy to do things and I was just wondering if that would be considered abuse

Abuse, and neglect, anon, which is also abuse. The fact that you see him very little does not change the fact that when you do interact, he is abusive towards you. If his being ‘rough’ with you is physical, that’s physical abuse on top of emotional abuse. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

My dad always tells me I need to start growing up but he won’t let me get my driving licence. I can’t get a phone but he always wants to know where I am. I can’t even go out with friends or go to the doctor by myself because he’s so controlling. He tells me I’m weak and a pansy for not doing grown up things but won’t actually let me do grown up things! I’m 16. I can’t even be trusted to walk to the end of the block for some exercise. But he attacks me for not going out to exercise. Ugh!

This is the same behavior my own father displayed. Its all about his control over you. He only wants you to ‘grow up’ insofar as he wants you to do exactly what he tells you.

Did anyone else’s​ parents make excuses seem like an inherently bad thing? Any attempt to defend myself was met with “I don’t want any excuses”, which looking back just meant “you are not allowed to defend yourself”. An excuse is just a reason you couldn’t do something​, but I was made to feel bad by virtue of making one. There is nothing wrong or shameful about an excuse.

This is a very common abuse tactic, and a large reason why many people with a history of abuse have a hard time saying no, and low self-esteem.