1/3 (please make this anon if tumblr messes up) hi, i don’t know who to talk to about this, but you’re one of my favorite blogs on here and you always seem to give great advice. i live at home for the time being (i’m 19), and my dad is becoming really radicalized with the far right. he reads breitbart, thinks snopes is fake news, and everything you’d expect from a trump supporter (which he is, passionately). i’m a queer, mentally ill person of a left- wing persuasion and known ‘sjw.’

xenoqueer:

my dad says he doesn’t hate me, but since he believes the evil sjw’s are
destroying society and plotting a white male genocide and he’s, y’know,
a trump supporter and breitbart reader, he’s either lying or deluding
himself.(also add in some non- political stuff that’s not abuse, but
suffice it to say he’s not a great parent and is generally selfish,
vindictive, combative, and authoritarian) now to my question–
emotionally, how do i survive till i can move out?

how do i live with someone who hates me and won’t even admit it? how do i
cope with wanting to love my father, but not being able to because he’s
so vile? sorry if this is silly, i know most of your questions are
probably about more important stuff than daddy issues, but if you have
time and spoons i’d love your take. thank you, and keep fighting the
good fight 🙂
       
   

— — — —

I’m sorry to give you this answer, I know it’s not what you were hoping to hear.

But I don’t have any good advice for it.

I went through the same thing with my mother. She was radicalized in much the same way, and I ultimately just ran. I haven’t spoken to her in over a year now, and looking back on the times when I was stuck living with her, I don’t know how I stayed alive.

But I did.

And you will, too.

I suppose the things to remember are:

1) you are not responsible for your father’s thoughts, only he is. You are responsible for yourself, and what you need right now is to be loved and cared for. Do the best you can to give yourself that love when he won’t or can’t.

2) there are people who do genuinely care about you, not just say that they do while ignoring all the ways they are hurting you. Whether you already know them, or you’ll meet them soon, they are out there. When you can’t love yourself either, because of the pain, the we will do it for you.

3) The pain you feel from being the target of his attacks is real, even if he doesn’t mean to hurt you with them. An accident can still be harmful, and this passed the borders of accidental a long time ago. He may say things like, “I didn’t mean you,” in an attempt to ease his own guilt or ease your pain. But what he meant matters less than what he did.

4) The grief you feel at watching someone you love slip away from you is also real. You’re allowed to mourn the fact that you’re losing your father, regardless of what you’re losing him to.

I don’t know what to tell you to make it easier to live with this. But I do know you’ll make it.

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