Hey I LOVE you

Well that’s a real fucking tragedy, darlin’ cause anybody who knows me and says they loves me has gotta be real fucked in the head and probably been dealt a shit hand. But hey I guess that’s somethin’ we got in common so feel free to pull up a chair.

I assume you like your coffee black and you don’t like toast

I like my coffee, period. Black’s best either when its the good stuff, or when its the really bad stuff. There’s nothing like a really terrible cup of diner joe that’s been on the burner for 12 hours. Middle of the road coffee, eehh, dump some cream in it sometimes. Toast’s good for mopping up egg yolk and not much else. Its usually either too burnt or too light. Bagels are better all around.

Thanks for the link. I told her at one point that I love myself the way I was, just to test the waters, and she shamed me for it! She told me that I would happier if I was thinner. My autoimmune disease would go away, my psoriasis would clear, I’d be happier. It was really my thin fantasy, except I never had a say. I’m actually pretty physically able. I try so hard, but she’s there at every step, taunting me. It’s not like my many doctors help me out either.

I’m so sorry that she shamed you for loving yourself the way you are, anon, because that’s just how everyone should love themselves. I’m sorry that your mom can’t get past the idea of a daughter she has in her head and love you the way that you are. Please don’t give in to her bullying and abuse. You are amazing, and I know you are doing your best, and your best is amazing. Stay…

I’m going to be honest, I’m overweight and I know it. I’m​ trying to be healthier. Everytime I don’t do something my parent wants me to (clean the entire house, walk to the store when I have homework), she calls me lazy and says this is why I’ll never lose weight. She tells me that she just wants me to be pretty/wear nice clothes, but that makes me feel worse. Am I not already beautiful? Do I have no self worth if I’m fat and ugly? Like, I used to think I was beautiful, but I hate myself now.

Oh gosh. My friend. :C you are amazing. You are beautiful. You are a worthwhile person. Your weight, your body shape, neither of those means that you are not worthy of respect and love. You are worthy of respect and love at any size. Everything your mom is telling you is complete garbage meant to make you feel bad. This is the same shit I heard from my parents, and it damaged me for years…

can it even be abuse if I’m not a kid anymore? I’m 22 and my father hasn’t hit me in years, he just tries to control everything I do & gets really mad when I try to do something he doesn’t approve of. but he doesn’t lock me up or anything, he just gets mad & says stuff like I’m not his daughter or calls me stupid and then doesn’t talk to me for a few days/weeks. I’m supposed to be an adult, so I COULD just put all my stuff in my car and drive away? and I don’t, so it can’t be that bad, right?

Abuse is abuse, is abuse, is abuse. It doesn’t matter how old you are, the way they are treating you is not right. Imagine two other adults treating one another that way. Is it abuse? Yes it is.

This isnt really a question. I just want it to more widely known that coddling can be abuse too. My parents were so over protective of me that I never learned how people work. Their “good intentions” for me gave me severe anxiety that I didn’t know wasnt normal. Apparently not being able to make eye contact with people and being constantly worried about everyone hating you isnt normal. More people need to know its not just yelling and hitting. Sometimes it “wanting the best for you” too

Absolutely, anon. Being “overprotective” can definitely become abuse quite easily. Anyone who doesn’t think so should go ahead and watch Disney’s Tangled.

Hey I’m the 21 year old who feels stuck. Thank you thank you for answering and the advice. (1) I meant I have 2 jobs and I feel stupid about that xD and (2) I have a 16 year old brother. And he usually acts super uncaring but last night he asked when I was moving out and said staying alone with them was scary. Nothing they do is illegal so he can’t just leave but now I feel horrible. One more piece of advice would be appreciated, sorry for the inconvenience

Sorry I misread about your jobs, anon! Good for you. I am honestly impressed and proud of you for doing so much. As for your brother… oof. I am so sorry that he’s a part of this abusive household too. It would be nice if you were able to take him with you when you leave, but you need to be your own first priority. if you can’t take him with you immediately, remember that…

Is it insensitive/hurtful to people who never knew their fathers or in whatever way don’t have a dad, to say that I don’t have a dad because mine was and is really abusive and I’m doing my best to cut him out of my life? Can I call him my sperm donor or something? He really wasn’t a dad.

It is absolutely not insensitive or hurtful to others for you to disown your abuser. You are absolutely in the right to do this, and many children of toxic parents do the same thing. You can call him sperm donor, or call him abuser, or any other word that you think fits the terrible things that he did to you.  I am so proud of you for being able to get away and distance yourself…

I don’t really know if this is abuse. I’m scared of my mother to the point of not wanting to leave my room for anything other than my own basic needs, if that. My mom can be very nice and reasonable at times, but she gets really mean a lot as well. She is convinced I don’t have any type of mental illness, even when I show all the symptoms for it, and she blames it on me not caring about my school work when my grades start to slip. I try really hard. (1/2)

(2/2) It’s just hard for me to focus when I start going numb or I get extremely anxious. She’s used my own diary entries against me, showing them to my doctor as proof that I have a “porn addiction” (I watch it once every few weeks, if that), tried to force me to go on the birth control chip, forced me to go to church when she found out I’m Wiccan, and refuses to call…

hey there, my therapist revealed to me recently something that I already knew, but didn’t have a name for, that I have a toxic parent. My mother and I have had issues for a long time. She has basically ruined my life. I go to community college and have to live with her for at the least, 6 more months. I just want any advice you could give for dealing with having to be with her in the coming months. I can barely stand to be around her. She has broken me down mentally and emotionally.

Hi anon, I’m so glad you’ll be able to get out of your abusive situation soon, and I hope that you can make that move permanent. Until you can get out, some tips I have are: 1. No matter what your abuser says, remember that its about them, not you. Even if their words are very hurtful, they’re not true. 2. Try to stay out of the house/out of the way as much as possible/practical.…

I’m 21 living with my emotionally abusive parents. I lived away from them on an exchange trip but my host mom was more abusive so that doesn’t count. Last semester I was away at college but…I felt worse? Less secure and dissociated and depressed and just doing the same routine and being more isolated. I dropped out because they said they wouldn’t help me anymore unless I applied for a military program (they tried to backpedal but too late) 1/2

And now I’m scared I’ll never be able to take care of myself. I ate at the cafeteria and didn’t have monthly bills and struggle with daily tasks as well as surviving socially. When left alone I mostly just read and watch tv. It doesn’t help that I have 1 jobs but I’m still not sure I could afford to live, but they’re the first jobs ever that my mental health can take. And I’m…

My parents are so confusing. One moment they mock me for my mental health issues and gloat about my self harming but then they ignore me completely? Plus they constantly invalidate my emotions, I had a four hour panic attack with crying and hysteria and they wouldn’t let me out the room. They control my life almost entirely and I barely get any respite. They yell at me for not sleeping and ignore my screaming as I wake up from nightmares. My dad has serious anger issues and continues (part 1/2)

Put me and my sister in a constant state of fear. He almost killed us by driving in front of a tram. Another thing is my parents refuse to acknowledge my sexuality and yet they have gay relatives? They confuse me and I don’t know if I’m being over emotional and stupid but I’m actually terrified in this house. My mum yells at me all the time. I’m just so lost and I’m sorry this…

I don’t know if my dad is abusive to be sort of like he has been rough with me a few times but for the most part all he does is just stay in his own lane and not talk to me and he leaves the house for days at a time and I hardly ever get to see him because of his work schedule but if I get anything less than an A on even an assignment I usually get yelled at and if I mess up I get yelled at for being clumsy or being too lazy to do things and I was just wondering if that would be considered abuse

Abuse, and neglect, anon, which is also abuse. The fact that you see him very little does not change the fact that when you do interact, he is abusive towards you. If his being ‘rough’ with you is physical, that’s physical abuse on top of emotional abuse. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

My dad always tells me I need to start growing up but he won’t let me get my driving licence. I can’t get a phone but he always wants to know where I am. I can’t even go out with friends or go to the doctor by myself because he’s so controlling. He tells me I’m weak and a pansy for not doing grown up things but won’t actually let me do grown up things! I’m 16. I can’t even be trusted to walk to the end of the block for some exercise. But he attacks me for not going out to exercise. Ugh!

This is the same behavior my own father displayed. Its all about his control over you. He only wants you to ‘grow up’ insofar as he wants you to do exactly what he tells you.

thank you so so much for answering that ask. i’ve had a really hard time trying to find out the situation and what was going on, my mum has never seen him as an “abuser” so she considers his behaviour normal and because of my mental illnesses etc he considers everything to be my fault, and the same thing kinda goes for anyone. when i actually talk about how he treats me i have literally been told it’s just my disorder and the way it makes me see things, so thank you for giving me 1/2

the validation i needed because i always felt like it was wrong, my mum used to be quite bad for it too but recently she’s gotten better because she accepts her faults but my dad I don’t think ever will because I’ve tried to talk to him before and he just got angry, it’s been very difficult to be able to tell what I’ve gone through because those kind of situations tend to be normalised…

Hey is what I experienced actually abuse? It’s less than other folks who’ve been asking you here recently and I feel bad. I have like no memories of being a kid and my parents sent me to a preschool that they knew took no interest in my safety even though they could’ve sent me somewhere else. They probably hit me– I know they hit my brother and later lied to us about it with almost the same words they used to reassure me that I was never hit. They gaslit me about my height, telling me I (1/? ✷)

✷ I was shorter than my mom even after I was taller than her and when I said I was 5’2" they insisted I was wrong and still shorter than my mom even though she’s 5’1.5". Also I got yelled at and called son of a b**** when I forgot to unpack my lunchbox and accused of faking my mental illness. And they’re really exorsexist (enbyphobic) and I’m nb so I can’t come out to…

i have unwanted sexual thoughts about my father and i feel scared when i’m alone with him. could this be a sign of repressed trauma?

a lot of people have unwanted sexual thoughts (intrusive thoughts) about people, even family members. While this could be a result of repressed abuse, there is no reason to jump to that as a cause immediately. It could also be the result of hypersexuality as a feature of some mental illness. Or the result of some other kind of trauma. or just intrusive thoughts. If these thoughts disturb you, I strongly recommend that you speak…

I have practically no memory of my childhood. But then, recent memories are foggy too and it takes effort to remember details. Buuut I’m still an abusive household. Will my memory get better do you think or just stay very foggy except in the moment?

It entirely depends, anon. I have memory problems due to dissociation and trauma related to abuse too. Starting recovery can help, and I recommend talking with an empathetic therapist or counselor who understands what you’re going through.

i.. tried to kill myself a week ago. i ended up telling a friend ((i figured maybe someone should know?? like.. to know what happened)) but she ended up picking me up and taking me to the nearest hospital (i was not given a choice in this,,) ((but shes so good to me i dont deserve it.)) my mothers response to all this was just to get annoyed/angry at my friend for not taking me to the specific childrens hospital (ill be 18 in a month) that she wanted. i just… is that a normal response,,?

(((hospital anon))) she didnt really.. act like she cared at all. shes still back to her normal ways of screaming at me until i cry and then yelling at me for crying…. i only got out of the hospital and psychiatric ward on tuesday…… it… doesnt feel like she loves me 🙁 Anon, it is not normal for your parent to respond to your trauma, injury and distress with anger. Screaming and yelling at you…