I’m going to be honest, I’m overweight and I know it. I’m​ trying to be healthier. Everytime I don’t do something my parent wants me to (clean the entire house, walk to the store when I have homework), she calls me lazy and says this is why I’ll never lose weight. She tells me that she just wants me to be pretty/wear nice clothes, but that makes me feel worse. Am I not already beautiful? Do I have no self worth if I’m fat and ugly? Like, I used to think I was beautiful, but I hate myself now.

Oh gosh. My friend. :C you are amazing. You are beautiful. You are a worthwhile person. Your weight, your body shape, neither of those means that you are not worthy of respect and love. You are worthy of respect and love at any size. Everything your mom is telling you is complete garbage meant to make you feel bad. This is the same shit I heard from my parents, and it damaged me for years…

I don’t know if my dad is abusive to be sort of like he has been rough with me a few times but for the most part all he does is just stay in his own lane and not talk to me and he leaves the house for days at a time and I hardly ever get to see him because of his work schedule but if I get anything less than an A on even an assignment I usually get yelled at and if I mess up I get yelled at for being clumsy or being too lazy to do things and I was just wondering if that would be considered abuse

Abuse, and neglect, anon, which is also abuse. The fact that you see him very little does not change the fact that when you do interact, he is abusive towards you. If his being ‘rough’ with you is physical, that’s physical abuse on top of emotional abuse. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

My dad always tells me I need to start growing up but he won’t let me get my driving licence. I can’t get a phone but he always wants to know where I am. I can’t even go out with friends or go to the doctor by myself because he’s so controlling. He tells me I’m weak and a pansy for not doing grown up things but won’t actually let me do grown up things! I’m 16. I can’t even be trusted to walk to the end of the block for some exercise. But he attacks me for not going out to exercise. Ugh!

This is the same behavior my own father displayed. Its all about his control over you. He only wants you to ‘grow up’ insofar as he wants you to do exactly what he tells you.

Did anyone else’s​ parents make excuses seem like an inherently bad thing? Any attempt to defend myself was met with “I don’t want any excuses”, which looking back just meant “you are not allowed to defend yourself”. An excuse is just a reason you couldn’t do something​, but I was made to feel bad by virtue of making one. There is nothing wrong or shameful about an excuse.

This is a very common abuse tactic, and a large reason why many people with a history of abuse have a hard time saying no, and low self-esteem.

Hey is what I experienced actually abuse? It’s less than other folks who’ve been asking you here recently and I feel bad. I have like no memories of being a kid and my parents sent me to a preschool that they knew took no interest in my safety even though they could’ve sent me somewhere else. They probably hit me– I know they hit my brother and later lied to us about it with almost the same words they used to reassure me that I was never hit. They gaslit me about my height, telling me I (1/? ✷)

✷ I was shorter than my mom even after I was taller than her and when I said I was 5’2" they insisted I was wrong and still shorter than my mom even though she’s 5’1.5". Also I got yelled at and called son of a b**** when I forgot to unpack my lunchbox and accused of faking my mental illness. And they’re really exorsexist (enbyphobic) and I’m nb so I can’t come out to…

(call me star ✨) im scared that im overreacting to everything. my father scares me deeply and i have anxiety about doing chores because he would yell and scream at me for hours when i wouldnt do them right. i couldnt do a whole unit in math class due to memories of his yelling..but there are times hes caring and nice to me. im so scared ive been wrong this whole time.

Hi Star. 🙂 I’m really sorry but its not normal for a child to be scared of their parents, it is a major sign of abuse. It is no wonder your are scared of your father, because he abused you by screaming at you and terrorizing you for hours. I am so sorry that the memory of this abuse and trauma is having a negative impact on your school work. Its very normal for abusive…

hi i wanted to ask if my mom is abusive if: she screams at me every day for the smallest things(like not anwsering the first time she calls me) threating to hit me with a belt and belliteling me everyday because im not good in school and calling me useless and unworthy and telling me i should be more like my older sibling and saying she wished she never had me (she also once threw a plate at me) and im scared to make her mad 24/7 i have cried and started selfharming because of this (im only 12)

@fairlylocaledgelord your mother is abusive. I am so sorry you are experiencing this abuse, and I hope you will be able to get away soon. Threatening to hit you is abuse. Screaming at you is abuse. Insulting you and telling you you are worthless is abuse. Throwing things at you is abuse and assault. Please look for friends or relatives who might be able to understand your situation and take you in, and check the…

hello, i’m scared of being around my dad because he’s very short tempered and gets angry at me. we’ve got in arguments where he’d raise his fist to me and everyone considers his behaviour normal, he belittles me and makes me feel awful. one time i asked him why he was so confident and he said he wasn’t going to tell me anything because I “use it against him”, he was never there for me when i was in hospital and both my parents ignored me while i was. my mum is getting better but i was 1/2

2/2 just wondering if you would consider my situation abusive? he’s definitely verbally abusive and never offers emotion support but does to his girlfriend and her daughter, he consistently makes me feel like a bad person and shouts at me if i ask questions about anything. it’s really upsetting for me and i don’t see him much at all but i was just wondering if you have any ideas on how to cope with the…

My parents have slapped me with hands shoes, thrown things at me. Ect. They’ve thrown me across the room into a wall and pick on me constantly. Then tell me I’ve no reason to be unhappy and flinch when I’m near them. They’ve invaded my privacy and manipulate me into guilty feelings. How do I get out? I can’t report it, I’m close to 16.!

Being 16 doesn’t mean you can’t report it, anon, but I understand if you chose not to.  I am so sorry that your parents have been abusing you like this. It sounds like they are physically and emotionally abusive, as well as badly gaslighting you. You should look in the tags list for tips on escaping abuse. Some avenues that you might want to start with are: *researching youth shelters *finding friends or relatives who…

my mom keeps wanting me to come back to her house even though im trying to get away from her. im at my dads, and i have a right to be where i want to be (im 16) my mom has abused me/my sisters and lately whenever i think of her i just go numb. she’s forcing me to come over and “talk” but i know she’s going to want to yell at me again. im really scared. my counselor told me i should take a break from her and so has my dad, but now she won’t talk to me over text and is “threatening” to call my dad

Listen to your counselor and your dad, anon. Don’t engage with your mother when she’s like this. You know what’s going to happen, no matter what she says. She’s just going to abuse you. Here are some tips on setting and keeping boundaries with your abusive parents. http://oftoxicparents.tumblr.com/post/160558648233/setting-boundaries-with-your-abusive-parents

Not sure if this was abuse or not. I was always scared of my father. He was on drugs, threatened me with death, abused my mom, and yelled. I’m not a quick person and he got upset at me when I couldn’t keep up at his pace while trying to do things. “You’re not a retard, don’t act like one” or “What is wrong with you?” We never could seem to keep our basic utillites on, like water and electric, bc he spent the money on drugs. When I was young, he pushed my mom down stairs. (*Part 1*)

(*Part 2*) She was lying on the floor bleeding and unconsious, while he ran out the back door, and I was panicked and terrified. I blacked out after that, and have no memory of what came next. I’m sorry, I just felt like. I needed validation of some kind bc the stairs incident was 1 time?? he says he loves us. My mom loves him and says all of it was her fault so if…

Sometimes I dont really know if I’m a victim of abuse. I’m really just scared I’m being overdramatic. But this seems like a place where I could try and recount all of what happened, just to see. My dad is a special guy. He expects me to be perfect, do sports, be perfectly thin and fit, have all A’s (even though my high school is literally designed to CHALLENGE me) and be very obedient. When he sees that I have a B or C in a class, I get yelled at, called a failure or a disappointment. (Part 1)

(Part 2) He never hits me, but when I cry because his insults hurt my feelings, I’m called a crybaby, manipulative, or even histrionic (I do NOT have HPD). He claims that I try to manipulate him by crying, and that he “wont fall for that bullshit”. He treats my art (which I’m very attached to) like it’s garbage. I can show him my finest painting and he’ll be like “dont waste your time on…

(1/?) My mother has sorta mellowed out in the past few months, but when I was younger, she acted pretty crazy. Whenever I made a little mistake (like spilling a glass of water for example) she would beat me with belts and stuff, and on occasion has left some black and blue bruises on my siblings. She would also scream a lot of nasty insults at us (such as “I hate you” or using offensive names like bitch and faggot) Sometimes she apologizes, but its really passive aggressive, like she’ll say

(2/?) “I’m sorry for making you upset, but I will not apologize for punishing you” I’m not entirely sure if all this is considered abuse though, since she’s not always like this. She can be super duper nice too, and give me lots of compliments, but then the next minute, she’ll go back to her old ways. It’s pretty scary to be honest. But I don’t really blame her for all the bad things she…

hi, i just wanted to share my experiences w/my mom with abuse. she is someone that will gaslight you if you try to defend/make a valid point. she has high self expectations and puts those on her children (me and my two older sisters). i grew up in a house that no matter what you did, that being talking back, arguing, it was met with anger from her. she would push you into walls, yell, make you feel horrible. then afterwards would “apologize” and act like she did nothing wrong. – Fay (1/2)

-Fay (2/2) I remember hearing my mom on the phone say,(she was also drinking and smoking, which is normal for her) “I can’t wait ‘till im old and forget my kids” which makes the guilt burn even brighter. but i try to tell myself i haven’t done anything wrong, yet it feels like i have. i think she likes to victimize herself. luckily, if i ever need to get away from her, i go to…

1) Hi, I’m confused on wether I’m being/was abused by my parents.. I can’t remember much of my childhood, but what I can is my dad smashing my DS with a hammer once and yelling at me, me seeing my aunt stumbling around when I was left alone to take a nap at a party, my favorite older cousin being arrested for DUIs, my mom and dad spanking me a lot (I think one of them slapped me once). Recently all they do is argue and yell at each other and me and my brother, it makes me anxious and I think

2) think I’m being abused emotionally because my grades are never good enough if they’re not A’s because that’s what my parents drilled into me so I get panic attacks if I think I’ll get less, and I jump when they come in my room, and they say that I’m addicted to my phone but I use it as a coping mechanism to distract myself from self hatred, my mood swings and anxiety. They pretended…

Setting boundaries with your abusive parents

Here are some ideas for those people who are not comfortable fully cutting off their abusive parents, and want to establish good boundaries. Start with distance contact. Only emails or only texts. If they exhibit abusive or demanding behavior, tell them you will not respond until they apologize. Do not answer phone calls from them. Only talk to them when you are ready. If they call and you are feeling emotionally ready to talk to…

(1)hi!! firstly thanks so much for putting up resources like this. they’re so validating! i do have a question though. i’m a college student who experienced emotional/psychological abuse from my mom when i was younger. i can recognize based on lists that the way she treated me and my sister was abusive. but in practice a lot of the time i feel like a faker. she belittled and mocked me frequently for the things i liked and disliked, and yelled at me at length over very small things (cont)

(2) that would eventually turn into repeated rehashing of my personal flaws. she was terribly controlling when it came to clothes, hair, makeup, and media consumption (music, tv, internet, etc). but the issue is, now that i’m out of her house most of the year and she has significantly less control over my life, she’s calmed down considerably. i still don’t feel comfortable telling her anything about my personal interests or feelings because i know…

I was never hit, but Im yelled at alot. I have the same behavior as an autistic person, my mom knew and punished me for being “strange and difficult”. I fear more has happened in my past, but I can’t remember anything from childhood. My memory used to be somewhat okay, but now I cant even remember what I’ve just done moments ago. I forget where I’m and what Im doing, and Im scared that more happened to me in the past. A friend said I have symptoms of sexual abuse (hes a csa victim). Any advice?

Trouble remembering childhood events can be a sign of trauma and abuse, sexual or non-sexual. Please remember that non-sexual abuse can be just as damaging as sexual abuse.  If you are in a position to I recommend seeking therapy. A qualified and empathetic therapist can help you worth through memories of trauma and figure out whether there is more that you don’t remember. And just as a reminder, anon, yelling at you and punishing you…

So my dad has been verbally abusive my whole life. There was a time when this verbal abuse made me feel so utterly worthless, I almost committed suicide because I thought I deserved to die. It’s been years and I’ve gotten better and stopped caring about his opinion of me. But the problem is that when he’s being verbally abusive, it changes how I think others see me and I can’t tell how much is trauma/low self esteem and how much is real. How can I get rid of this?

Unfortunately, anon, there’s not an easy answer here. People’s words effect us, and how we feel, even if the person saying those words is a stranger. When the person is a parent, someone who is supposed to nurture us and be trustworthy, then it is even harder not to be effected by those words. My father is also very verbally abusive, to the point where I sometimes ‘hear’ his voice in my head when I do…

When my parents get upset with me, they scream and yell and they say some reallly,,, really bad things (like that ill have to sell myself on the street if i dont wanna be dependant on them, that they always wish i was “normal”, like they were going to kick me out, etc) but like … when we arent fighting we look like a completely 100% normal home. They never mention the fights to apologize or make me apologize, they never bring up the subject later (part 1) -cs

its almost like when we arent actually fighting, the fights never happened in the first place. If i get upset or mad later about something they said, they deny saying it and say im exagerating or over reacting. Ive started writing down what they say right after the fight so that i know im not making it up because i feel ! like im going crazy !!! everyone who knows them thinks theyre the nicest…

i have cptsd, diagnosed by multiple professionals, and i have flashbacks to the way my mother treated me. my parents insist that i interpreted normal parental anger as abusive. here are some of the worst things i flash back to: my mother calling me a “dark, brooding ps*cho” for trying to tell her i had depression, sitting on me and calling me an “odd animal” for acting autistic, and telling me it was too hard to be my mother and she “washed her hands of me”. was it abuse?

Abusers, especially abusive parents, don’t want to believe they are/were abusive. The especially do not not want *you* to believe that they were abusive. Abusers always will go out of their way to minimize the harm they have done, and blame lasting damage on the person they abused, saying that you deserved it, or it wasn’t that big a deal, etc. This is gaslighting, and its more abuse. Your mother insulting you when you opened…

I have trouble knowing if my parents are abusive. My friends say from my descriptions they are but idk. When they’re mad, my dad yells for hours and insults us and has threatened to throw us out twice (I’m a legal adult but dependent on them; my brother is a teen), and my mom mocks and insults me, and occasionally throws things. But that’s not all the time; usually they’re just kind of controlling and want us to do what they think we should (getting mad if we disagree). (1/?) ☂️

I barely remember any of my childhood so I can’t say if anything worse did or didn’t happen. I’ve been told things my brother and I do, like communicating their mood and acting too happy or like a mediator to avoid anger/punishment and looking forward to my dad’s work trips, point to being abused too. But it feels like they’re pretty kind/rational about half the time, so I’m not sure if it counts. (2/3) ☂️…

How do I know I’m being abused? My friends often say my parents abusive and manipulate me. They insult me, punish me unfairly, threaten me with beatings and often tell me Im useless. They take my stuff for no reason and go through my texts and phone. They pick at my weight and my intelligence and swear at me. But they’re also kind to me sometimes? They buy me things and haven’t beaten me? I just don’t know

Yes, you are being abused. I am sorry that is the case. Insulting you, punishing you for no reason, threatening violence, and making you feel worthless and useless are all methods of abuse. So is invading your privacy. Those are abusive behaviors. You are the victim of what sounds like serious emotional abuse. Abusers can be kind sometimes. Just because someone isn’t actively abusing you every second of the day does not negate the abuse…

You Are Allowed To Say ‘NO’. You are not selfish for saying no. You are not a bad person for wanting your own time, money, belongings, personal space and boundaries.

OH that explains why i always feel terrible and like a Shitty Person Who Is Far Too Selfish when i cant give money,, even though im literally in debt to my mother for food i ate without permission and have no income ;-;

Yes, unfortunately anon, that’s probably the case, and I’m so sorry that it happens to you.  Victims of abuse are often trained by their abusers to give everything of themselves. They are told they are being selfish for withholding anything for themselves, even basic self care or simple needs. Abusers make it impossible for us to say no to anything. You are not a shitty person for saying ‘no’. You are not a bad person for…

Hey, my friend and I started a fundraiser to help get them out of their abusive household, would you mind reblogging it?

Hi there! 🙂 I wish your friend the best, and please direct them to this blog for any tips or encouragement on getting out of their situation. I don’t promote or reblog any fundraisers on this blog for two reasons: 1. I can’t promote one person’s fundraiser and then turn down another, so the blog would become nothing but fundraiser posts. 2.  Many abuse victims are in the same kind of bad financial situation as…

I just wanna say thanks for this blog, I never really thought my parents were abusive, bc I was used to it, but this blog, along with a few others has helped me realize that maybe what I grew up with wasn’t right. and while it hasn’t been easy to deal with (okay, it’s been a bit of a total mindset shift), I really appreciate your resources and your posts. It’s not the easiest subject to talk about, but thank you for pointing me to resources that have helped. I really appreciate you & your blog.

Thank you for your kind words, anon. Realizing that what you went through is abuse can be very hard, whether that was child abuse, spousal abuse, physical, emotional, or any other kind. Abusers of all kinds set their abuse up to become normal and its hard to see outside of that framework when you’ve been caught up in it. It took me many years to accept that I had been abused, and the gravity and…