Hey I’m the 21 year old who feels stuck. Thank you thank you for answering and the advice. (1) I meant I have 2 jobs and I feel stupid about that xD and (2) I have a 16 year old brother. And he usually acts super uncaring but last night he asked when I was moving out and said staying alone with them was scary. Nothing they do is illegal so he can’t just leave but now I feel horrible. One more piece of advice would be appreciated, sorry for the inconvenience

Sorry I misread about your jobs, anon! Good for you. I am honestly impressed and proud of you for doing so much. As for your brother… oof. I am so sorry that he’s a part of this abusive household too. It would be nice if you were able to take him with you when you leave, but you need to be your own first priority. if you can’t take him with you immediately, remember that…

hey there, my therapist revealed to me recently something that I already knew, but didn’t have a name for, that I have a toxic parent. My mother and I have had issues for a long time. She has basically ruined my life. I go to community college and have to live with her for at the least, 6 more months. I just want any advice you could give for dealing with having to be with her in the coming months. I can barely stand to be around her. She has broken me down mentally and emotionally.

Hi anon, I’m so glad you’ll be able to get out of your abusive situation soon, and I hope that you can make that move permanent. Until you can get out, some tips I have are: 1. No matter what your abuser says, remember that its about them, not you. Even if their words are very hurtful, they’re not true. 2. Try to stay out of the house/out of the way as much as possible/practical.…

My parents have slapped me with hands shoes, thrown things at me. Ect. They’ve thrown me across the room into a wall and pick on me constantly. Then tell me I’ve no reason to be unhappy and flinch when I’m near them. They’ve invaded my privacy and manipulate me into guilty feelings. How do I get out? I can’t report it, I’m close to 16.!

Being 16 doesn’t mean you can’t report it, anon, but I understand if you chose not to.  I am so sorry that your parents have been abusing you like this. It sounds like they are physically and emotionally abusive, as well as badly gaslighting you. You should look in the tags list for tips on escaping abuse. Some avenues that you might want to start with are: *researching youth shelters *finding friends or relatives who…

Setting boundaries with your abusive parents

Here are some ideas for those people who are not comfortable fully cutting off their abusive parents, and want to establish good boundaries. Start with distance contact. Only emails or only texts. If they exhibit abusive or demanding behavior, tell them you will not respond until they apologize. Do not answer phone calls from them. Only talk to them when you are ready. If they call and you are feeling emotionally ready to talk to…

Do you have any ways to get out of spending time with your abusive mother on mothers day?

This is hard, and will depend a lot on your situation, anon. Do you still live with your mother? There might be no way for you to escape spending time with your mother without further abusive consequences. If there’s no way that you can escape spending time with your mother, I recommend making time for yourself after that contact to practice healing behaviors and reaffirming your worth as a person, reminding yourself that what you…

I dont know if it’s okay to send this,and i apologize if it’s not,i just. Im a 19 y/o who has been forced to be their own mom’s mom. Besides being horribly emotionally abused and gaslighted daily I endure constant misendering,isolation and guilt and im so so,so tired. I feel so bad and I’m so lonely in this. Im a single child,too. I just wanna leave. I cant do anything anymore,and im so tired of existing. Im sorry for sending this

Please don’t be sorry to have sent this, anon. You are a victim of abuse, and that’s terrible. I know it feels like it, but you are not responsible for your mom, no matter she or what others say. I hope that you can escape soon. If you need any help for ideas on how to get away, please let me know. 

(different anon) speaking of cps i offered an abused friend of mine that i’d call cps for them due to their abusive mother and it’s very true that abusers make their victims feel that getting help is worse than being abused, but now i’m afraid cps has to find evidence that my friend is being abused in the first place and that if i did call cps and their mother finds out and cps ends up not taking my friend to safety, my friend may get in even more trouble with their mom

Unfortunately anon, you are not wrong. While CPS will always investigate a claim or tip, there can be a very high barrier to them actually removing minors from a household. And a CPS visit that doesn’t result in removal from the household can result in greater abuse. That is the reason its necessary to use your best judgement for if you should call CPS for your friend. My personal recommendation is to call CPS if…

I need some advice. My best friend has depression and anxiety, and her mom is emotionally abusive towards her. Like, to the point where she could be in the happiest mood one moment, but she’ll be in tears the next. Her mom has told her that she’s “broken” multiple times, and has threatend to place her in a mental hospital, away from everybody. What can I do to help her?

Some things you can do for a friend who is being abused: Most importantly, be there for them emotionally. Tell them/remind them what they are going through is abuse, and they do not deserve it. If you can provide a temporary space for them away from abuse, do. Have them over to your house, if your home is non-abusive. Even a few hours in a non-hostile space can do wonders for someone’s emotional state. Ask…

How to escape an abusive household? I’m about to finish college and I’d like to break free by then but I am completely financially dependent on my abusive family. Do I just suddenly run away? I have less than $40 in cash. I know if they find out I’m trying to get out from under their control they will try to stop me, maybe kill me. It is an unspoken threat. No one else, not even my therapist, seems to believe that my family is irredeemably terrible. I can’t take this.

traumaticexperiences: ugh this is really awful, and i don’t know a good solution for this at all, i ran away as soon as i had enough money not to be homeless, and i felt exactly the same – if they catch me i’m dead, and nobody believed me either, but there’s records and statistics about people who felt they were in mortal danger, weren’t believed, and consequently got killed because of it, so i truly…

I rly need some advice. Last night i got in a fight with my mom again, when i called her out on the abuse she automatically thinks im going to call the cops on her bc me trying to explain how she treats me is abuse is me trying to ruin her life to her. Im 19 and i have a hard time finding a job or movin out bc of my parents. she threatened to hurt me but she apologized later for it but rn no one in my family will talk to me. I have no where to go and they know this so i get threats of

Of being kicked out. She denies everything she ever done is wrong and says she gets mad at me bc of my “attitude”. I dont know what to do im sick of this and my bf cant help and asks me to be docile until he can move me out but its been a yr since he started saying that. Im just so overwhelmed and im just tired of it. One solution might be next…

my emotionally abusive mother has no friends and she has taken me out of college and is forcing me to live at home all of fall and spring semester and its driving me insane because i just had my first freshman year of freedom and now I’m being locked back in this cage again

I am so sorry, anon. Do you have any way to get away? A car? Someone you can live with for a few weeks while you find a job? You can also look into abuse and homeless shelters in your area, and also look for loans and college tuition help so you can go without your mother’s permission.

I have a friend (19yearsold) and he is in a horrible situation. His mom is very manipulative and even abusive to some extend. He can’t afford therapy and his mom won’t let him go anyway. How can I support him without making it worse?

Help him get a prepaid cell phone Give him a place to stay as often as you can. Just being away from abuse for a few hours can be a big relief. Remind him that he is being abused. It can be very hard for survivors to recognize their own abuse and prioritize their own safety. Reassure him that his safety and well-being is important and that you care about him. Encourage him to do…

Since I’ve had depression my mom has been very abusive. But when I confront her she threatens me by saying “well you can move out” but I don’t have anywhere to go and I don’t wanna live together with others.. Is this common? It makes me very sick.

I am so sorry to hear you’re in this situation, anon. I think in your case the first thing you need to do is to tackle your depression, so you CAN move out and get away from your abuser.  Find out if you have health care that covers therapy and psychiatric care. If it doesn’t, please research free or reduced fee therapy and psychiatric care in your area. Key words to look for are “sliding fee”…

I’m 21 but my family is still abusing me. I don’t have a car and my family refuses to teach me how to drive and witholds money and buys themselves things but when I ask for things I get laughed at and told to “get over it” because sometimes in life you can’t buy yourself things. I get that but it’s been literal months since I’ve been able to buy myself anything fun or nice. I’m financially dependent on my boyfriend. On top of that my family yells at me constantly and (pt1)

hey noticed I’ve been distant lately because I realized that I’ve been abused my entire life. They keep pushing family time even harder and one time accused my boyfriend of being abusive because they thought they heard him smack me and heard me say ow but he’s never hurt me in my life. They’re always making fun of my friends and when I try to talk about things and whenever I talk I get pushed…

my parents were really awful when i was younger. they’d pull me around and practically pick me up by me hair and locked me out of the house a lot. they also had a lock to lock me into my room. most of that stopped but a while back i got frustrated and kinda hit something an my dad grabbed my hair and started yelling “do you want to get violent” at me and kicked me out of the house for a few hours. this isn’t an often thing but i’m hesitant to let people touch my hair because of it. (1/?)

when people grasp my hair i freak out. my mum also always says things like “because if you don’t then i’ll make your life miserable. i also have a diagnosed learning disability that they won’t let me get and IEP(individual education plan) for and then yells at me when i mess up in school. she’s also they type that doesn’t beleive in mental illness really. the other day I tryed telling her something and she…

Can you explain how prepaid phones work?

Here’s how the phones work. You buy the phone outright. It costs about $10. Then you buy a minutes card that goes along with the service. You follow the instructions on the phone to add the minutes to your account. Your phone is then active until the minutes you added run out, then you have to buy another card and add it. Some prepaid phone services are tracphone (my favorite), boost mobile, virgine mobile, cricket,…

My parents constantly take stuff off of me using the excuse that it’s “theirs because they bought it”. I just bought a new phone because I broke my old one and I’m scared they’ll try to take it off of me again except I bought the phone with my own money and this time I’m scared of getting kicked out.

I am so sorry, anon. I hope that you can keep your phone safe for now. While you can, I want you to google local shelters in your area. There may be shelters specifically for victims of abuse and abandonment. If you are kicked out and have nowhere to go, you can also always go to the police station, especially if you are underage. Yes, in this situation it is likely that the police will…

hi my mom hits me often and yells at me and lies to me and says im worthless and bad and she’s tried to kill me before and im worried she’ll do it again. i want to get out of my house, but without my parents help idk how i can pay for the college i go to. do you have any ideas?

I am so sorry that this is something you have to go through, anon, that’s terrible. Luckily there are definitely ways for you to pay for college without your parents help. You’ll need to talk to your school counselor for help getting more resources, but here’s what I can tell you. 1. You can get student loans if you can get a co-signer. Anyone who will cosign with you will do. A grandparent, an aunt,…

My mom constantly threatens to kick me out? Like if I complain about something she’ll say “if you don’t like it, then leave. Here is the phone call the cops if I’m so abusive” but she’s also given me an hour to decide to do what she wants me to do or to leave the house. We once actually had cps in the house because she gave my brother a humiliating punishment and someone called cps. I wish they had found something wrong, but I’m was too scared and stupid to say anything.

Hey anon, I’m so sorry you have to go through that. Threatening to kick you out is abuse, by itself, and you don’t deserve that. My parents did the same thing to me. I don’t know how old you are, but if you’re old enough to start thinking about moving out, you definitely should. If you’re not old enough to start making plans to move out, what you should do is talk to a friend’s…

The single best piece of advice I can offer young people currently in, and recently escaping environments of abuse is this: If you at all possibly can, buy yourself a $10 prepaid cell phone at walmart and hide it. Give the number only to people you trust and keep your abusers completely unaware of it. If you can’t get one for yourself, get a friend to get it for you and smuggle it to you.…

I’m 17 and I recently learned that my mother is emotionally abusive. I’m “moving out” in mid august to go to college, but she doesn’t approve of any of my choices regarding my university, or anything college related. Normally I wouldn’t care because I’m leaving, but she has gotten worse and it is everyday now and it’s terrifying. My father just acts like nothing’s wrong. I don’t know if it’s worth doing anything though because I won’t live here much longer.

I am so sorry, anon. I am not surprised things have gotten worse as you get closer to moving out. What is happening is probably the beginning of what is known as an “extinction burst”. That’s when a behavior temporarily gets worse or more frequent because reinforcement stops, or is going to stop. Your mom knows you are going away and she’s not going to be able to harass you the way that she does now,…

So my parents keep threatening to punch me and throw my phone out. What should i do? (Note: i am only 12)

Hi there, Gabby. 🙂 Do you have a friend at school whose parents you trust? If so, I want you to next time you see them, ask to talk to them alone and tell them it is serious. Tell them the things your parents are threatening you with and tell them that you’re scared.  If you don’t have a friend whose parents you trust, pick a teacher who is nice to you, and tell them…

I’m an adult daughter of a borderline and narcissistic mother. I’m in the process of going no contact. Any advice for coping? -an asker who wanted to remain anonymous Its gonna be hard. I’ve been there, personally. There’s very little emotionally more difficult than cutting off ties with a parent, even one that you know is toxic and only a harmful influence on you. Remember that its okay for it to be hard. You’re not…

I’m 19 and my parents make me text them when I leave somewhere or arrive somewhere and if I don’t I’m grounded from my cell phone (which I bought and they only pay for the line) and car (which I need to get to work and school everyday). Also my mom always barges into my room and I asked her if she can knock so I can have some privacy, she told me that I don’t have any privacy as long as she pays for the house. I just don’t know what to do. I have started cutting my self because of her!

That’s hard, anon. Do you have a job? It sounds like you should be looking to leave the house however you can at this point. Focus your effort on moving out and getting out from under your parents thumb. If you have a friend who would let you stay with them for a few weeks or months, that would be an ideal jumping off point.

My mom attempted to take my phone and I freaked out because in the past this has always been a sign she will hit me and I’ll have no way to call for help. I told her I wouldn’t and then she told me I had no choice and she held me down and called my dad telling him to beat me if he had to. I ran outside and called a friend who called the police but they did nothing when they finally came 3 hours later. She took my phone that night and trashed it. It had all my evidence of her abuse. Idk what 2 do

Do you have a sympathetic friend that you could stay with for a little while? If you do, you should try that. Another thing you can do is if you have about $20, go to Walmart and buy a ‘burner’ phone- a little cellphone (not a smart phone) that lets you buy minutes for it. Keep the phone and the minutes hidden from your parents. Tat way if they take away your real phone you’ll always…

I would like to reach to a therapist however I am underage, so in order for me to do so I need a parent consent. Though, I am pretty sure they will say I am exaggerated and get over it. I’ve recently realized that they have been gas lighting me and I’m sick of it. I want help but I’m scared to do it because of them.

Are you in the United States? I would try talking to your school guidance counselor about this. They may know of services that can help you.  Just so you know, guidance counselors are mandatory reporters in the US, so if you discuss parental abuse with them, they are obligated to call CPS. (which is a good thing, not a bad thing)

My I don’t like to do anything anymore because anytime I go to a friends house or anything of the sort my dad uses it against me for several months like if he wants me to go to Walmart with him and I don’t want to go he says I’m ungrateful because he let me go skating last month like seriously he didn’t even pay for me to skate I used babysitting money. What should I do I can’t exactly move out.

Firstly, make sure there’s really no way you can move out. Is there a sympathetic relative who would take you in, or a friend whose parents would let you live with them for a while? You CAN get emancipated (in the US) if you really try, and it sounds like you’re in a bad spot. If you really can’t move out, then there are a few things that you can do to mitigate what you’re…

Won’t get into why I got mildly upset, tried to go inside, my father grabbed me by the arm. I told him to let go/tried to pry off his hand. When he finally let go he shoved me back bodily when I tried to go inside again. I waited until he’d stormed into the house to escape to my room where I had a horrible panic attack. Mother made me apologize to him having witnessed the whole thing. He didn’t say sorry for grabbing. Still scarred today from his or my nails. I’m 21, I’m moving out. Fuck this.

Please do move out, anon, I know it will be hard, but it will also be so, so worth it! I know you can find some place to live, whether it is with friends, or in affordable housing within your area. (Don’t forget to look into people renting single rooms in houses. This is a totally okay way to start out living on your own, and I have personally done so!) Some things to remember…