I’m going to be honest, I’m overweight and I know it. I’m​ trying to be healthier. Everytime I don’t do something my parent wants me to (clean the entire house, walk to the store when I have homework), she calls me lazy and says this is why I’ll never lose weight. She tells me that she just wants me to be pretty/wear nice clothes, but that makes me feel worse. Am I not already beautiful? Do I have no self worth if I’m fat and ugly? Like, I used to think I was beautiful, but I hate myself now.

Oh gosh. My friend. :C you are amazing. You are beautiful. You are a worthwhile person. Your weight, your body shape, neither of those means that you are not worthy of respect and love. You are worthy of respect and love at any size. Everything your mom is telling you is complete garbage meant to make you feel bad. This is the same shit I heard from my parents, and it damaged me for years…

can it even be abuse if I’m not a kid anymore? I’m 22 and my father hasn’t hit me in years, he just tries to control everything I do & gets really mad when I try to do something he doesn’t approve of. but he doesn’t lock me up or anything, he just gets mad & says stuff like I’m not his daughter or calls me stupid and then doesn’t talk to me for a few days/weeks. I’m supposed to be an adult, so I COULD just put all my stuff in my car and drive away? and I don’t, so it can’t be that bad, right?

Abuse is abuse, is abuse, is abuse. It doesn’t matter how old you are, the way they are treating you is not right. Imagine two other adults treating one another that way. Is it abuse? Yes it is.

Hey I’m the 21 year old who feels stuck. Thank you thank you for answering and the advice. (1) I meant I have 2 jobs and I feel stupid about that xD and (2) I have a 16 year old brother. And he usually acts super uncaring but last night he asked when I was moving out and said staying alone with them was scary. Nothing they do is illegal so he can’t just leave but now I feel horrible. One more piece of advice would be appreciated, sorry for the inconvenience

Sorry I misread about your jobs, anon! Good for you. I am honestly impressed and proud of you for doing so much. As for your brother… oof. I am so sorry that he’s a part of this abusive household too. It would be nice if you were able to take him with you when you leave, but you need to be your own first priority. if you can’t take him with you immediately, remember that…

Is it insensitive/hurtful to people who never knew their fathers or in whatever way don’t have a dad, to say that I don’t have a dad because mine was and is really abusive and I’m doing my best to cut him out of my life? Can I call him my sperm donor or something? He really wasn’t a dad.

It is absolutely not insensitive or hurtful to others for you to disown your abuser. You are absolutely in the right to do this, and many children of toxic parents do the same thing. You can call him sperm donor, or call him abuser, or any other word that you think fits the terrible things that he did to you.  I am so proud of you for being able to get away and distance yourself…

I don’t really know if this is abuse. I’m scared of my mother to the point of not wanting to leave my room for anything other than my own basic needs, if that. My mom can be very nice and reasonable at times, but she gets really mean a lot as well. She is convinced I don’t have any type of mental illness, even when I show all the symptoms for it, and she blames it on me not caring about my school work when my grades start to slip. I try really hard. (1/2)

(2/2) It’s just hard for me to focus when I start going numb or I get extremely anxious. She’s used my own diary entries against me, showing them to my doctor as proof that I have a “porn addiction” (I watch it once every few weeks, if that), tried to force me to go on the birth control chip, forced me to go to church when she found out I’m Wiccan, and refuses to call…

hey there, my therapist revealed to me recently something that I already knew, but didn’t have a name for, that I have a toxic parent. My mother and I have had issues for a long time. She has basically ruined my life. I go to community college and have to live with her for at the least, 6 more months. I just want any advice you could give for dealing with having to be with her in the coming months. I can barely stand to be around her. She has broken me down mentally and emotionally.

Hi anon, I’m so glad you’ll be able to get out of your abusive situation soon, and I hope that you can make that move permanent. Until you can get out, some tips I have are: 1. No matter what your abuser says, remember that its about them, not you. Even if their words are very hurtful, they’re not true. 2. Try to stay out of the house/out of the way as much as possible/practical.…

My parents are so confusing. One moment they mock me for my mental health issues and gloat about my self harming but then they ignore me completely? Plus they constantly invalidate my emotions, I had a four hour panic attack with crying and hysteria and they wouldn’t let me out the room. They control my life almost entirely and I barely get any respite. They yell at me for not sleeping and ignore my screaming as I wake up from nightmares. My dad has serious anger issues and continues (part 1/2)

Put me and my sister in a constant state of fear. He almost killed us by driving in front of a tram. Another thing is my parents refuse to acknowledge my sexuality and yet they have gay relatives? They confuse me and I don’t know if I’m being over emotional and stupid but I’m actually terrified in this house. My mum yells at me all the time. I’m just so lost and I’m sorry this…

My dad always tells me I need to start growing up but he won’t let me get my driving licence. I can’t get a phone but he always wants to know where I am. I can’t even go out with friends or go to the doctor by myself because he’s so controlling. He tells me I’m weak and a pansy for not doing grown up things but won’t actually let me do grown up things! I’m 16. I can’t even be trusted to walk to the end of the block for some exercise. But he attacks me for not going out to exercise. Ugh!

This is the same behavior my own father displayed. Its all about his control over you. He only wants you to ‘grow up’ insofar as he wants you to do exactly what he tells you.

i.. tried to kill myself a week ago. i ended up telling a friend ((i figured maybe someone should know?? like.. to know what happened)) but she ended up picking me up and taking me to the nearest hospital (i was not given a choice in this,,) ((but shes so good to me i dont deserve it.)) my mothers response to all this was just to get annoyed/angry at my friend for not taking me to the specific childrens hospital (ill be 18 in a month) that she wanted. i just… is that a normal response,,?

(((hospital anon))) she didnt really.. act like she cared at all. shes still back to her normal ways of screaming at me until i cry and then yelling at me for crying…. i only got out of the hospital and psychiatric ward on tuesday…… it… doesnt feel like she loves me 🙁 Anon, it is not normal for your parent to respond to your trauma, injury and distress with anger. Screaming and yelling at you…

(call me star ✨) im scared that im overreacting to everything. my father scares me deeply and i have anxiety about doing chores because he would yell and scream at me for hours when i wouldnt do them right. i couldnt do a whole unit in math class due to memories of his yelling..but there are times hes caring and nice to me. im so scared ive been wrong this whole time.

Hi Star. 🙂 I’m really sorry but its not normal for a child to be scared of their parents, it is a major sign of abuse. It is no wonder your are scared of your father, because he abused you by screaming at you and terrorizing you for hours. I am so sorry that the memory of this abuse and trauma is having a negative impact on your school work. Its very normal for abusive…

hi i wanted to ask if my mom is abusive if: she screams at me every day for the smallest things(like not anwsering the first time she calls me) threating to hit me with a belt and belliteling me everyday because im not good in school and calling me useless and unworthy and telling me i should be more like my older sibling and saying she wished she never had me (she also once threw a plate at me) and im scared to make her mad 24/7 i have cried and started selfharming because of this (im only 12)

@fairlylocaledgelord your mother is abusive. I am so sorry you are experiencing this abuse, and I hope you will be able to get away soon. Threatening to hit you is abuse. Screaming at you is abuse. Insulting you and telling you you are worthless is abuse. Throwing things at you is abuse and assault. Please look for friends or relatives who might be able to understand your situation and take you in, and check the…

hello, i’m scared of being around my dad because he’s very short tempered and gets angry at me. we’ve got in arguments where he’d raise his fist to me and everyone considers his behaviour normal, he belittles me and makes me feel awful. one time i asked him why he was so confident and he said he wasn’t going to tell me anything because I “use it against him”, he was never there for me when i was in hospital and both my parents ignored me while i was. my mum is getting better but i was 1/2

2/2 just wondering if you would consider my situation abusive? he’s definitely verbally abusive and never offers emotion support but does to his girlfriend and her daughter, he consistently makes me feel like a bad person and shouts at me if i ask questions about anything. it’s really upsetting for me and i don’t see him much at all but i was just wondering if you have any ideas on how to cope with the…

My parents have slapped me with hands shoes, thrown things at me. Ect. They’ve thrown me across the room into a wall and pick on me constantly. Then tell me I’ve no reason to be unhappy and flinch when I’m near them. They’ve invaded my privacy and manipulate me into guilty feelings. How do I get out? I can’t report it, I’m close to 16.!

Being 16 doesn’t mean you can’t report it, anon, but I understand if you chose not to.  I am so sorry that your parents have been abusing you like this. It sounds like they are physically and emotionally abusive, as well as badly gaslighting you. You should look in the tags list for tips on escaping abuse. Some avenues that you might want to start with are: *researching youth shelters *finding friends or relatives who…

my mom keeps wanting me to come back to her house even though im trying to get away from her. im at my dads, and i have a right to be where i want to be (im 16) my mom has abused me/my sisters and lately whenever i think of her i just go numb. she’s forcing me to come over and “talk” but i know she’s going to want to yell at me again. im really scared. my counselor told me i should take a break from her and so has my dad, but now she won’t talk to me over text and is “threatening” to call my dad

Listen to your counselor and your dad, anon. Don’t engage with your mother when she’s like this. You know what’s going to happen, no matter what she says. She’s just going to abuse you. Here are some tips on setting and keeping boundaries with your abusive parents. http://oftoxicparents.tumblr.com/post/160558648233/setting-boundaries-with-your-abusive-parents

Not sure if this was abuse or not. I was always scared of my father. He was on drugs, threatened me with death, abused my mom, and yelled. I’m not a quick person and he got upset at me when I couldn’t keep up at his pace while trying to do things. “You’re not a retard, don’t act like one” or “What is wrong with you?” We never could seem to keep our basic utillites on, like water and electric, bc he spent the money on drugs. When I was young, he pushed my mom down stairs. (*Part 1*)

(*Part 2*) She was lying on the floor bleeding and unconsious, while he ran out the back door, and I was panicked and terrified. I blacked out after that, and have no memory of what came next. I’m sorry, I just felt like. I needed validation of some kind bc the stairs incident was 1 time?? he says he loves us. My mom loves him and says all of it was her fault so if…

Sometimes I dont really know if I’m a victim of abuse. I’m really just scared I’m being overdramatic. But this seems like a place where I could try and recount all of what happened, just to see. My dad is a special guy. He expects me to be perfect, do sports, be perfectly thin and fit, have all A’s (even though my high school is literally designed to CHALLENGE me) and be very obedient. When he sees that I have a B or C in a class, I get yelled at, called a failure or a disappointment. (Part 1)

(Part 2) He never hits me, but when I cry because his insults hurt my feelings, I’m called a crybaby, manipulative, or even histrionic (I do NOT have HPD). He claims that I try to manipulate him by crying, and that he “wont fall for that bullshit”. He treats my art (which I’m very attached to) like it’s garbage. I can show him my finest painting and he’ll be like “dont waste your time on…

(1/?) My mother has sorta mellowed out in the past few months, but when I was younger, she acted pretty crazy. Whenever I made a little mistake (like spilling a glass of water for example) she would beat me with belts and stuff, and on occasion has left some black and blue bruises on my siblings. She would also scream a lot of nasty insults at us (such as “I hate you” or using offensive names like bitch and faggot) Sometimes she apologizes, but its really passive aggressive, like she’ll say

(2/?) “I’m sorry for making you upset, but I will not apologize for punishing you” I’m not entirely sure if all this is considered abuse though, since she’s not always like this. She can be super duper nice too, and give me lots of compliments, but then the next minute, she’ll go back to her old ways. It’s pretty scary to be honest. But I don’t really blame her for all the bad things she…

1) Hi, I’m confused on wether I’m being/was abused by my parents.. I can’t remember much of my childhood, but what I can is my dad smashing my DS with a hammer once and yelling at me, me seeing my aunt stumbling around when I was left alone to take a nap at a party, my favorite older cousin being arrested for DUIs, my mom and dad spanking me a lot (I think one of them slapped me once). Recently all they do is argue and yell at each other and me and my brother, it makes me anxious and I think

2) think I’m being abused emotionally because my grades are never good enough if they’re not A’s because that’s what my parents drilled into me so I get panic attacks if I think I’ll get less, and I jump when they come in my room, and they say that I’m addicted to my phone but I use it as a coping mechanism to distract myself from self hatred, my mood swings and anxiety. They pretended…

Setting boundaries with your abusive parents

Here are some ideas for those people who are not comfortable fully cutting off their abusive parents, and want to establish good boundaries. Start with distance contact. Only emails or only texts. If they exhibit abusive or demanding behavior, tell them you will not respond until they apologize. Do not answer phone calls from them. Only talk to them when you are ready. If they call and you are feeling emotionally ready to talk to…

(1)hi!! firstly thanks so much for putting up resources like this. they’re so validating! i do have a question though. i’m a college student who experienced emotional/psychological abuse from my mom when i was younger. i can recognize based on lists that the way she treated me and my sister was abusive. but in practice a lot of the time i feel like a faker. she belittled and mocked me frequently for the things i liked and disliked, and yelled at me at length over very small things (cont)

(2) that would eventually turn into repeated rehashing of my personal flaws. she was terribly controlling when it came to clothes, hair, makeup, and media consumption (music, tv, internet, etc). but the issue is, now that i’m out of her house most of the year and she has significantly less control over my life, she’s calmed down considerably. i still don’t feel comfortable telling her anything about my personal interests or feelings because i know…

Do you have any ways to get out of spending time with your abusive mother on mothers day?

This is hard, and will depend a lot on your situation, anon. Do you still live with your mother? There might be no way for you to escape spending time with your mother without further abusive consequences. If there’s no way that you can escape spending time with your mother, I recommend making time for yourself after that contact to practice healing behaviors and reaffirming your worth as a person, reminding yourself that what you…

So my dad has been verbally abusive my whole life. There was a time when this verbal abuse made me feel so utterly worthless, I almost committed suicide because I thought I deserved to die. It’s been years and I’ve gotten better and stopped caring about his opinion of me. But the problem is that when he’s being verbally abusive, it changes how I think others see me and I can’t tell how much is trauma/low self esteem and how much is real. How can I get rid of this?

Unfortunately, anon, there’s not an easy answer here. People’s words effect us, and how we feel, even if the person saying those words is a stranger. When the person is a parent, someone who is supposed to nurture us and be trustworthy, then it is even harder not to be effected by those words. My father is also very verbally abusive, to the point where I sometimes ‘hear’ his voice in my head when I do…

When my parents get upset with me, they scream and yell and they say some reallly,,, really bad things (like that ill have to sell myself on the street if i dont wanna be dependant on them, that they always wish i was “normal”, like they were going to kick me out, etc) but like … when we arent fighting we look like a completely 100% normal home. They never mention the fights to apologize or make me apologize, they never bring up the subject later (part 1) -cs

its almost like when we arent actually fighting, the fights never happened in the first place. If i get upset or mad later about something they said, they deny saying it and say im exagerating or over reacting. Ive started writing down what they say right after the fight so that i know im not making it up because i feel ! like im going crazy !!! everyone who knows them thinks theyre the nicest…

How do I know I’m being abused? My friends often say my parents abusive and manipulate me. They insult me, punish me unfairly, threaten me with beatings and often tell me Im useless. They take my stuff for no reason and go through my texts and phone. They pick at my weight and my intelligence and swear at me. But they’re also kind to me sometimes? They buy me things and haven’t beaten me? I just don’t know

Yes, you are being abused. I am sorry that is the case. Insulting you, punishing you for no reason, threatening violence, and making you feel worthless and useless are all methods of abuse. So is invading your privacy. Those are abusive behaviors. You are the victim of what sounds like serious emotional abuse. Abusers can be kind sometimes. Just because someone isn’t actively abusing you every second of the day does not negate the abuse…

You Are Allowed To Say ‘NO’. You are not selfish for saying no. You are not a bad person for wanting your own time, money, belongings, personal space and boundaries.

I dont know if it’s okay to send this,and i apologize if it’s not,i just. Im a 19 y/o who has been forced to be their own mom’s mom. Besides being horribly emotionally abused and gaslighted daily I endure constant misendering,isolation and guilt and im so so,so tired. I feel so bad and I’m so lonely in this. Im a single child,too. I just wanna leave. I cant do anything anymore,and im so tired of existing. Im sorry for sending this

Please don’t be sorry to have sent this, anon. You are a victim of abuse, and that’s terrible. I know it feels like it, but you are not responsible for your mom, no matter she or what others say. I hope that you can escape soon. If you need any help for ideas on how to get away, please let me know. 

(different anon) speaking of cps i offered an abused friend of mine that i’d call cps for them due to their abusive mother and it’s very true that abusers make their victims feel that getting help is worse than being abused, but now i’m afraid cps has to find evidence that my friend is being abused in the first place and that if i did call cps and their mother finds out and cps ends up not taking my friend to safety, my friend may get in even more trouble with their mom

Unfortunately anon, you are not wrong. While CPS will always investigate a claim or tip, there can be a very high barrier to them actually removing minors from a household. And a CPS visit that doesn’t result in removal from the household can result in greater abuse. That is the reason its necessary to use your best judgement for if you should call CPS for your friend. My personal recommendation is to call CPS if…