Sinister Plays: Pokemon Black 007

Alright, what’s all this, then.

We are immediately beset on by a random stranger.

We are? After declaring that we’re training, she attacks, sending out… a purrloin. Sin-kun is kind of getting sick of purrloin already which is a bad sign. Our purrloin is faster than theirs, but they are doing like no damage to each other and we just switch out for Mrs. Beaver so the fight doesn’t take a thousand years. Mrs. B makes short work of it and…

… She sends out a second purrloin.

Sweetheart, you are going to need more than just two purrloins for either of those goals.

So yeah, it turns out this dream yard is in fact the place kids go to train pokemon in hopes of facing the gym leader. Which means two things.

One, we fit right in.

And two, we are absolutely going to crush these kids under our heel.

Youngster Joey opens with a patrat, and we immediately have to get Arsene out of the front again. This time we’ll let Chloe take care of Joey. Chloe takes it out with bite, but the rat gets a few decent hits in and we send out Ganon as a follow up for the next patrat, just so Chloe won’t faint.

Ganon takes care of it, but this kid actually has a third pokemon! He might be our toughest foe yet! We let Ganon take the lead again.

Joey asks us to acknowledge that his pokemon fought well, and you know what, kid? Yeah, they did. Good job.

Hell yeah, you go kid.

And we’ll go back to the pokemon center. After that’s done with, Sin-kun comes back to the dream yard and approaches the next kid expecting another pokemon battle

Yeah, really, Tepig! He’s right here. Do you have a problem with that? What the fuck is a pansage? It sounds like food.

So… you’re going to beat our ass with a water type pokemon, right?

Um.

Yes?

We can’t turn down free pokemon but we also can’t help the sensation that this is some kind of trap. We swallow down our paranoia and say yes.

Wait, so its a grass type? We thought you were gonna give us a water type! Not that we’re complaining, because again, who complains about free pokemon?

While Sin-kun is wondering what kind of absolutely stupid nickname this Pansage is going to be stuck with, we get blasted by this message:

It doesn’t even count as traded? It’s just ours? Sin-kun’s 1998 brain is exploding, and while that happens we realize we have no idea what kind of nickname to give this thing because we don’t even know what a pansage is.

It’s a little… girl… monkey?

Time for a Dragon Ball reference.

…

The game refuses to accept the name so we add a hyphen. Chi-chi it is. Sorry that you hate Dragon Ball so much, video game.

The kid has some shockingly good advice for us.

Not anything groundbreaking or anything that we didn’t know already. But good advice nevertheless.

With a surprise new pokemon in our party we get back on the hunt for trainers to cream.

Man this place looks… rough. And there are a bunch of kids here just playing in the dirty with the rusty barrels and exposed pipes and presumably broken glass.

Rad.

We search the area for any way to get through into the really dirty and dangerous part of the abandoned factory, but can’t find a way in, so we head back.

Looks like we’re gonna have to see the gym leader before we can get any further.

… We still don’t know who that is, where they are, or what kind of pokemon they have. But that’s a minor setback.

We head back out of the chic aesthetic children’s playground to go look for this mystery leader.

We head down a creepy back alley to see if the leader’s there, but it’s just a weird old man who gives us a dusk ball.

Thanks, weird old man.

We do some snoo PINGAS usual in random houses. Most of the people just want to tell us random pokemon facts like “hey sometimes they evolve after a battle” but also there’s this kid.

Fennel… we’ve heard that name.

Isn’t that Juniper’s girlfriend?

Well, apparently meeting another member of the MILF league will have to wait, because the kid won’t let us past.

With a self-reminder to check on Fennel later, we go back to snooping in another apartment.

The first guy we talk to randomly gives us a Great Ball- our first great ball. The only cost is listening to him  talk about how much he loves balls.

With a couple fewer IQ points, Sin-kun goes back on the hunt.

Okay you know what, these two are couples goals.

Hi. Wow. What an astonishingly creepy thing to say.

We turn around and see ourselves out of the building.

Well, aside from the great ball and great relationship goals, that was a fucking waste of time. Where the hell is this gym leader?

Another apartment, another weirdo. Sin-kun notes down the name Elesa, figuring we’ll have to beat her ass later.

That’s stupid.

The gym leader we’re looking for isn’t in the trash either.

The last building in town that we haven’t been in is the trainer’s school. But Sin-kun is an isekai protagonist. He doesn’t want to go back to school!

We ignore the school and go to check out what’s on the edge of town, instead.