It was a whole week after the school festival before Tomoko could finally corner her brother. Even with how busy she was with her movie and her friends—she’d kept hoping to steal a little of his time during the festival.

She wanted to walk around it with him; talk, and maybe hear more about that fucking kiss he’d gotten from whats-her-face the pervert sister’s annoying friend, to enjoy the festival atmosphere like old times now that they both weren’t a couple of shut ins.

But she hadn’t been able to corner him at all, not with all her classmates hanging all over him and turning his every interaction into a spectacle for gossips. So she’d given up, even if the annoyance kept rankling inside her every time it came up.

But now, the weekend after, Mom was out visiting their grandmother for a few days, Dad was stuck at work overtime, and Tomoki didn’t have practice.

The timing couldn’t have been better for her to finally corner him. She knocked lightly on his sliding door, a grin on her face.

As usual, Tomoki didn’t answer her. It made sense, he knew she was the only person in the house after all.

She only waited a second before she threw the door open and poked her head inside. “Little brooo~~, It’s your favorite big sister. I know you’re there, you know!”

Tomoki jerked upward as she entered the room. He was laying on his bed, shirtless, with his large headphones over his ears. She watched his phone jolt, jerked by the headphone cord as he sat up and glowered at her, pulling the speakers off his ears.

“What the hell, Tomoko.”

“Tomoki , come on. You sit around shirtless listening to music and I’m gonna start thinking this is one of those manga.” She slid in and shut the door behind her with a rattle, trotting over towards the bed. “We haven’t had any quality time lately, Tomoki.”

He grimaced and scrambled backward on his bed against the wall, groping for his shirt to slip it back on. “Don’t make stupid jokes like that.”

It was unclear what he considered the joke, her goof about manga, or the idea of spending quality time with her. Knowing Tomoki these days, his intention could have been either. It stung a little, a jolt of old pain through her as she smiled that big, lopsided smile she always tried to wear around him.

They used to be close. He used to smile when he saw her, play games—hold hands. But now all he did was push her away.

“Whatever, bro.” She dropped herself on the edge of his bed, leaning back with a smile. “…I wanted to hang out with you during the School Festival you know. But you were too busy being a ladies man or whatever.”

The expression on his face turned even uglier, and once he finished wrestling on his shirt, he grabbed his pillow and held it in his lap. “Please don’t remind me about that whole… stupid… thing.”

He looked away, his sour expression burning with heat in his cheeks.

“It was pretty stupid, wasn’t it? It wasn’t as if that idiot kissed you on purpose. Then everyone got all up in arms about it and it became a whole THING!” Tomoko threw her hands up. “and I couldn’t get even a piece of stomach churning takoyaki with my dear little brother.”

“Don’t tell me you actually ate that disgusting stuff,” he grumbled, looking away. She could tell he was desperate to change the subject if she was going to keep talking to him.

“My first year, I threw up all over the place,” Tomoko griped as she inched closer to him. “…hey, you know what though?”

He scooted further away from her, narrowing his eyes. “What?”

“That whole kiss thing, at least it wasn’t your first, huh?” She kicked her feet back and forth, feeling her heart seize up a little at the memory—-him—her, their younger years in the heat of summer when they’d innocently kissed.

Back then he used to talk about marrying her, now he treated her like a leper.

He pointed at the door, pillow firmly in his lap. “Get out.”

That was not the reaction she had hoped for.

Tomoko hissed softly through her teeth.

“Come on—I was trying to console you, idiot!” She leaned forward. “…I mean—that was important to me too, you know. Back then.”

“Well you’re not consoling me!” he huffed. “You’re being weird again, Tomoko. We’re way, way too old for this.”

His dark, tired eyes glared at her, the bottom of his face hidden by the pillow and his arms.

“Too old to what? Spend time with your sister?” She narrowed her dark-circled eyes back. “Y’know…I remember when you said you wanted to marry me, Tomoki.”

Slowly, she inched closer across the bed.

“That!” he declared in a raspy voice. “We are too old for that, Tomoko! Spending time with you is one thing, but you have to make it weird. I need you to stop.”

He scooted away from her on the bed.

Tomoko grimaced and scuffed her foot against his floor with a shrug of her shoulders.

“…I mean, I’ll stop if you really, actually want me to stop. But can we just forget ‘being too old’ for a second? I mean—” she bit her lip. “I miss being close with you, Tomoki. Even little things like going to a festival together.”

“I don’t see why,” he grumbled, looking at her suspiciously. As if at any moment he was worried she might pounce him like a tiger. “You’ve got plenty of friends now. You were practically mobbed at culture fest. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

He made no comment or reply with regard to ‘actually wanting to stop’, but whether that was by accident or design she had no idea.

“W-well yeah, of course. I finally got friends, you know? I really like spendin’ time with them. It’s nice feeling at least a little popular—and I wouldn’t trade any of ’em for the world.” She rubbed her neck. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss you, Tomoki. I mean, you were the first friend I’ve ever had.”

He was quiet for a moment, and didn’t meet her eyes any more. He nodded roughly. “Yeah. I know. That was a long time ago, Tomoko. We were kids.”

“I don’t see why getting older means you’ve gotta give up on me, bro.” She huffed softly, brushing her hair out of her face. “When we were younger, I was pretty sure I could make it without a friend in the world ’cause I knew I’d always have you.”

“Well, it turns out you didn’t have to. So, that’s a fantastic miracle.” He shuffled over to the edge of the bed, and set down his pillow, turning his back to her. “I’m gonna go make some coffee.”

Tomoko reached out and touched his back.

“I’ll make some with ya! Look, miracle or no, I –” She sputtered, flushing red as she leaned closer to him. “I still love you, idiot.”

Tomoki flinched when she touched him and stumbled forward. “Yeah. Come on, we can make coffee together.”

His voice was rough, growling, even, but it stumbled like he did, with an edge of softness.

Tomoko followed him out of the room and into the kitchen. Maybe it was a stupid thing to say, even if it was the truth. Blurting out that sort of thing was childish, but he wasn’t even listening. She could talk in circles about it for hours and he’d keep brushing her off.

She walked closely behind him, flushing brightly as she tried to catch her breath. She really did care about him, the same way she cared about some of her friends. A way she knew wasn’t the chaste kind of ‘it’s just a phase’ care people expected of her.

When they were kids, he’d said he wanted to marry her. She’d told him flat out what the rules there were, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t happy.

If nothing else, she just wanted to be close to him again.

He was quiet while he poured water in the kettle. The first thing he said to her was, “the beans are in the cabinet.”

Did Tomoki have anyone he felt that way about? She wondered after seeing him at the festival, and other incidents. The bathhouse. The sleepover with her friends.

Sometimes these days he seemed like a block of ice and stone around people. Unlike other people she could get a reaction of some kind out of him– it just wasn’t the one that she wanted.

She leaned up and grabbed the beans. All those times when her friends, close friends, were around her, he always seemed so cold, and she’d never seen him half as comfortable with his own friends. Mostly that same, icy and closed off kind of grumpy affect he used every other time.

She bit her lip. It hurt thinking about it that way. The thought that he didn’t have anyone he could be close to, and she only seemed to be able to get bad reactions from him. Not like Ucchi, not like Asuka or Hina—not even like Yuri.

“Here you go, lil’ bro!” She bumped her shoulder against his and passed them over with a bright grin.

His sour expression dissipated slightly for a moment as he took the beans from her. Not enough to be called a smile, really, but the lack of a frown even for a moment on his face almost seemed like one anyway.

He nodded to her, and poured a measure into the little grinder. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she grinned as she leaned back on the counter, arching back to look at his neutral expression. “I’ll take mine black—I know, real mature of me.”

“I know how you take your coffee.”

Tomoko didn’t know how he took his. She’d never seen him making coffee before, in fact, and she wasn’t sure where the grinder, or the beans, or the little cup with holes in it that he was putting above a mug had come from.

She was almost certain they weren’t her mother’s. Mom and Dad mostly drank the sort of coffee that came out of a little single use machine or the corner market on their way out the door.

“These are yours, aren’t they?” Tomoko pointed to the little grinder with a grin. “You grind your own coffee, yeah?”

“It’s cheaper than going to the cafe every day. And it tastes better.” He nodded in answer to the question. She watched him pour boiling water over the beans, steam, and the smell of coffee rising from the filter.

“You’ve been holdin’ out on me, bro.” Tomoko teased with a grin. “I mean—I love going to the cafe and all, but I think I’m gonna start bugging you to make me coffee in the morning sometimes.”

The smell was pleasant, and honestly this was more than she’d learned about her brother in years.

He took the little cup off the top of the mug, revealing a steaming cup of rich, dark coffee, which he pushed toward her. Without another word, he turned his back on her and dumped the used grounds into the trash.

After a moment, while he was spooning more into a fresh filter he answered. “You’ll have to get up earlier if you want my coffee.”

“Believe it or not, I’ve been trying. Asuka’s trying to help me get ready for the college we’ve chosen—so I’m trying to get up early to …ugh….study.”

She grabbed the cup and took a long sip.

It was good. Really good. Frankly, it was better than the stuff she got at the cafe, rich, and smooth, and dark. There was barely any bitterness to it at all.

Tomoki glanced over at her, watching her reaction as he fixed his own cup.

Tomoko’s eyes widened, and she quickly tilted back a little more despite the heat.

“Holy SHIT bro, are you a professional barista? Did you go to the Shokugeki no Soma school of brain-melting coffee or something? This is….” She pointed up at him. “Well it’s damn well worth wakin’ up for!”

He made a sound that was almost a dry laugh, and looked away. “I’m still working on the extraction. Sometimes it comes out a little weak.”

It was as close to a ‘thank you’ as she was probably going to get.

“I’ll tell you this much, bro. It almost extracted a moan from me, if you know what I mean.” She snickered and took another long sip. “…hot damn though, I didn’t know you could do this kinda thing…”

“You didn’t know it was possible, or you didn’t know it was possible for your little brother?” He glanced away, sipping his coffee, but not before she saw the flush on his cheeks– probably from the moan comment.

She leaned closer, bumping her shoulder against his with a sip. “A little of both. I thought the cafe coffee was as good as it gets, bro. And then I find out YOU can make it better? In my own house? Unf.”

“Ow! Hey!” He huffed as she bumped him, and licked his teeth. “You wanna break my teeth or something? But thanks, I guess.”

Wow. She actually got a thank you. Tomoko flushed brightly —a thank you. She grinned, that wide and shaky grin she always tended to get around him.

“Eheheheh y-you’re welcome, bro. Don’t worry, it’ll take more than that to break your teeth!”

“Whatever.” He sipped his coffee again, leaning against the counter. He was slim, and sharp, and angular. A far cry from the chubby faced kid she remembered from their youth.

She found herself flushing even more, her heart beating in her chest as she inched closer to him with another sip of her coffee.

“Hey, Bro.”

He inched away from her still sipping his own cup. “Yeah?”

“Looks like we both lucked out with the good looks in the family huh?” she raised her coffee to her lips with a grin. “I’m gorgeous, and you’re pretty handsome.”

He blinked at her with a tired, long suffering look, and he sighed. “Glad your self esteem is looking up.”

“Ehehe….” she grinned shyly. “And how’s yours lookin’? Because it was a compliment to you, too.”

“I liked it better when you were complimenting my coffee.” He stared into the dark liquid. “Anyway, I look like a dishrag hung on a mop so don’t bother.”

Tomoko looked into her coffee again. “It is fantastic coffee, bro.” she murmured. “Sorry, I just—ya know.”

‘A dishrag hung on a mop’ that wasn’t exactly how she’d put it. Sharp, keen, kinda like a knife on little sleep. It was attractive—similar to the sorts of men she’d pursue in dating sims and the like—when she wasn’t skirt chasing in them.

“Not really,” he murmured. He was quiet for a moment and then he shook his head and sipped his coffee. “Whatever. It’s fine.”

“I like guys who look like you,” Tomoko muttered as she took a sip of her coffee. “So don’t put yourself down like that Tomoki, alright?”

He looked away again, his hair falling in his face. “Sure, whatever. Wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings about my looks.”

There was something like a sarcastic twitch of a smirk at the edge of his mouth.

“Good,” Tomoko stuck her tongue out at him, inching a little bit closer again. “You should try harder not to make your big sister sad, ya know.”

“I think you’d be surprised how hard I try at that.” She almost didn’t hear his reply as he muttered into his coffee.

Tomoko tilted her head, staring at him with her wide eyes for a long moment. “Really? ‘Cause—bro, we barely hang out anymore. We don’t even talk.”

He scoffed, and didn’t look at her, his eyes narrowed and focused on the cup. “I know.”

“You know that makes me upset, right?” she prodded again. “Like, every time I remember the past, or try and recapture it. Like that whole thing with the bag of soda.”

“That was ridiculous,” he snorted. He almost sounded amused though– for a moment. Then Tomoki’s voice became leaden again. “If we spent more time together it would just ruin the memories.”

Tomoko brushed her hair over her ear with a huff. “You don’t know that, Tomoki. It might make ’em better.”

“No, Tomoko, it won’t.” He drained the rest of his coffee and set his mug down on the counter with a very final click. “It’s simple. I didn’t grow up to be a person you’d want to be around. I’m not a dumb kid anymore.”

Tomoki moved to step past her, toward the stairs.

Tomoko hurried to grab the back of his shirt, the half-drunk coffee left back on the counter as she tried to catch up.

“I don’t care if you’re not a dumb kid, I’m not a dumb kid either. We both grew up —but what makes you think you’re so hatable, Tomoki?” It came out snappier than she wanted, but she couldn’t help the fire that smoldered in her words. Tomoki seemed to believe he was someone she’d hate—someone anyone would hate, given the way he reacted to even a little bit of attention.

All this time, he was just as much of a loner as she was, even with those idiots he sometimes invited over. He was in the same sort of dark hole she’d been in until—well…only very recently.

His shirt pulled, and he stopped. He turned sharply and stared at her with his dark, cold eyes, his pale lips parted. For a second she thought he was going to say something awful, something cruel, just by the look on his face.

But he faltered.

“I just— I’m not a good person, Tomoko. I’m going to bed.”

He turned away again.

She kept a tight hold of his shirt.

“Neither am I, Tomoki, but people like me anyway, and people like you anyway. I like you.” She hissed and tried to get in his way. “—Nothing’s ever gonna make it so I don’t wanna spend time with you. No matter how much you hate yourself.”

Tomoki stopped and looked away again. “I believe you, okay? But that doesn’t mean that’s the way life works. Get out of my way and let me go to bed.”

She shifted until she wrapped her arms around his, her eyes hard and staring.

“—if I do that things are just gonna stay like this forever, Tomoki. And I KNOW it ain’t making you any happier than it’s made me.”

“Not everyone gets to be happy, Tomoko,” he growled. She felt his whole body stiffen, on edge as she embraced him. “Life isn’t a video game. There’s no golden route that means everyone gets what they want.”

“Not every—” Tomoko growled a little under her breath. “It’s not a video game, Tomoki. Obviously there’s no ‘golden route’. But—”

She hugged his arm tighter against herself with tears beading at the corners of her eyes. “But that doesn’t mean that some people are just doomed to be miserable. I used to think that, after, things fell apart at school. But I let myself open up to people, if you keep telling yourself that you don’t deserve to get whatcha want or be happy, you’re just gonna build your own bad end. It’s a fucking self-fulfilling cliche!”

He didn’t say anything. He just held himself stiffly in her arms, as if he was trying to claw himself away from her without moving.

“If you keep tellin’ yourself that you’re unlikable, or you’re never gonna get what you want—then you’re gonna stay right where you are. Bro—Tomoki, is that what you really want? I think you deserve to be happy—and I wanna help you be happy.”

“I’ll talk the way you understand, Tomoko. The villain only gets a bad end. The villain, or the hero.”

He wasn’t looking at her. His eyes were closed.

“And what, you think you’re the villain? Of who’s fucking story?” She inched closer to him. “because you’re sure not the villain of mine.”

He pushed her shoulders, finally trying to move her away from him. “I’m trying not to be! That’s why we don’t talk anymore!”

Tomoko let him push, but she clung tight with narrowed yes.

“And what dark secret are you so fucking afraid of? What could be so bad about talking to me that you think it’d make you some kind of shitty light novel villain in your own big sister’s eyes?”

He stared at her, his eyes dark and intense, and almost surprised. “You really don’t have any idea, do you?”

“Try me,” she hissed through her teeth. “Maybe I don’t.”

“Absolutely not,” he hissed. “If you don’t have any idea, then I’m doing a fantastic job. Now get out of my way.”

Tomoko shifted around him before she stood directly in his way, almost body to body with him.

“I’ve got an idea, I just dunno why you’re being such an ass about it!” She leaned in with her lips twitching into a jagged smile. “You get up in arms when I remind you that we shared a first kiss. You get twitchy when mom reminds you that you used to say you wanted to marry me—you push me away constantly, no matter how close I try an’ get…”

He took a step backwards, away from her. He was scowling now, an expression like a opposed mirror to her jagged smile. He glanced toward the back door.

“I’m not fucking blind, Tomoki,” She closed the distance to grab his shoulder. “—just be honest, right to my face!”

He stumbled backward to get away from her, but only succeeded in pulling her closer. They were face to face.

“Absolutely never! I don’t get a ‘do over’, Tomoko! I can’t just do whatever I want and have it be fine tomorrow! So let me go!”

Tomoko found her chest squashed against his chest, and her body shadowed by him as their faces came closer.

She knew what this was all about—Tomoki still cared about her, but he’d gotten older just like her.

Somewhere, the innocent kisses and promises of marriage had turned into a real attraction that he couldn’t let show.

And it was clearly making him miserable.

To hell with that! To hell with letting him stew in his misery, especially when she was attracted right back. Somehow he didn’t notice??? He was making himself as blind as he could manage to avoid dealing with his own feelings, the stubborn ass!

She looked into his eyes for a long moment.

“You don’t get a do-over, huh?”

If there was one thing she’d learned from her friends, it was hesitation and hiding your true self only made things worse. Somehow, she’d found people who liked her weird, off putting personality.

Her brother never learned that lesson—so it fell to his older sister to be the impulsive one.

“Then I’m not gonna sit around on my ass and regret it,” she hissed before she darted forward and planted a firm and sudden kiss on his lips.

There was a heartbeat where he might have leaned into the kiss, but it didn’t last.

He made a noise like a cat who’d had his tail stepped on, and wrenched himself away from her.

“This is why, Tomoko! This is why I have been trying to stay away from you! You need to leave me alone before you ruin both our lives!”

He didn’t wait for her to reorient– he just went into a mad dash for the door behind him, wrenching it open and scrambling out into the dark in his bare feet.

“….” Tomoko was only stunned for a moment before she bolted after him. “TOMOKI ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? You’re gonna hur—what are you DOING!”

She made a break for him, uncaring for what the neighbors might think.

Tomoki may not have been the greatest player, but he was on the soccer team. And he was a lot faster than Tomoko was, sprinting around the house and down the sidewalk.

Tomoko stumbled, unfortunately she still wasn’t the most athletic woman out there.

“Tomoki, c-come on!” she tried to catch up as she ran out onto the sidewalk in her bare feet. As she rounded the curb after him, her foot caught the lip of the sidewalk and sent her tipping sharply downwards.

With a sharp yelp of pain, she fell hard towards the pavement as her ankle twisted.

The sound of Tomoki’s retreating steps stopped abruptly as she yelled. Even over pain she could hear the deep, frustrated sigh.

And then he walked back over to her and stared down at her.

“Did you do that on purpose or are you actually that much of an idiot?”

“You’re the one who went running off into the night in your bare feet,” Tomoko said between sharp sniffles, bent over double on the ground. She could feel some scratches on her face—and her ankle hurt, but at least she hadn’t cracked her skull open.

At least.

“Yeah. And you’re the dumbass who ran after me. Do I need to take you to the hospital?”

He kept staring down at her. They were partially under a streetlamp, and the sky above was dark and threatening. Starless, and moonless.

Tomoko sat up slowly, rubbing the small cuts on her face with a shake of her head.

“N-no. I’m fine. Just –ow. My ankle’s gonna hurt for days, probably.” She frowned deeply. “…I wasn’t gonna let you run off alone, though.”

“You should have, moron.” He huffed. He reached down to help her up. “I’m still not going to talk to you about that.”

Tomoko’s ankle throbbed, tears leaking down her face as she sniffed.

Even after all that he said he wasn’t gonna talk to her about it.

She got it—life wasn’t like one of her visual novels or some dirty brocon/siscon anime. It was something that could conceivably backfire on them both in spectacular fashion…

But Tomoko had always cared about her brother. Even now, she flirted and teased him with genuine affection, and genuine attraction. She was willing to take the chance, sure that things could work out.

Especially if it made him less miserable. Maybe that was her sense as his older sis.

“Not even if I make you dessert?” she jabbed him with her elbow, tears still rolling down her face.

“No.” His tone was leaden, and final. “It’s not something to talk about while we’re still in high school. While we’re still living at home. Maybe you can only imagine dirty manga, but I can imagine real consequences, Tomoko.”

Despite that, he halfway scooped her up into his arms to help her walk, his body against hers.

She leaned against him.

“I can imagine real consequences too, you know. I’m not some manga-brained idiot. I—I know that it can get real bad if we mess up. People could get furious at us—reputations, or a lot worse.” She rested her head against his shoulder. “But it’s clearly makin’ you miserable, Tomoki. I hate seeing you like this. It makes me wanna take the chance anyway.”

“Anything else would just make me more miserable, Tomoko. That’s just the way it is.” He shook his head, helping her lip back to the house. “If you really can’t stand me staying away from you completely, I’ll try to spend some time with you. But the second things get weird, I will sprint out the back door again, don’t think I won’t.”

Tomoko stared at him for a long moment.

“And leave your poor wounded sister there without a helping hand? You really are a bastard, Tomoki.” She huffed, before she wrapped her arms around his and limped through the door. “You know Mom’s not gonna be home all weekend. And Dad’s busy for hours—and probably gonna hit the bar.”

“Yeah, Tomoko, I’m aware.” He sat her down in a chair, and peeled his wet socks off before going to get a sponge to wipe the floor from their dirty feet. “That’s why I locked myself in my room.”

Tomoko drew her legs up towards her chest as she looked at him over her knees.

“We could fool around, like old times—boot up the playstation…h-hehehh…” She smiled shakily. “Was my kiss really that bad, Tomoki?”

He stared stubbornly at the floor as he wiped it. “I said we’re not talking about it. Go out with your friends if you’re bored while mom’s not here. You’ve got enough of them. Hell, invite more of them over, it’s not like I care if you have a party.”

“I love hangin’ out with them, but that’s not what I’m doing right now, idiot.” She buried her face against her knees. “This isn’t about being bored—the fact you think it is kinda pisses me off.”

“No, this is about trying to sexually harass me until my mind breaks and I do something we both regret. So cut it the fuck out. I said no.” He stood up jerkily and slammed the sponge into the sink.

“Geeze, you really are fucking repressed,” Tomoko muttered. “I’m not sexually harassing you more than I sexually harass anyone else, Tomoki.”

She pointed at him. “and I think you’re overestimating exactly how much I’d regret it.”

He started for the back door again.

“This is exactly why I have been staying away from you, Tomoko. You don’t know how to take no for an answer. I have given you like six chances to fucking drop this and maybe we could hang out, but you won’t. So I’m going to go stay with a friend.”

She watched him slip his hand into his pocket and pull out his phone, stepping into his shoes despite not wearing any socks.

“…..” Tomoko curled into herself with a soft hiccup. “I’ll drop it, ok? If that’s whatcha want, I’ll drop it.”

She thunked her forehead against her knees to stop herself from getting emotional, even if the sick and frustrated feelings bubbled up inside her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to piss you off again, bro.”

He sighed and sank down against the kitchen door. “I know. You just don’t fucking think things through. You think it’s like a dating sim and you can say the right thing and get whatever you want. But I already said what I’m going to say. You didn’t like the answer, but I’m not going to change it. You shouldn’t have pushed. We could have been having another cup of coffee and watching tv.”

He stared up at the ceiling,. and just kept talking. Rambling. Pouring thoughts out of his mouth.. “It’s not like a game where you can try all the possibilities without any consequences. Yeah. Mom’s not home. Great. She’ll be home on Monday though. And then what? If we go down that route, Tomoko, she’ll be here two weeks from now when I absentmindedly do something stupid because you made it okay, and she’ll see it, and she’ll throw me out of the house, and I can’t reload my save and pick another option, Tomoko.”

Tomoko listened, even if the urge to interject leapt up a few times. She bit her tongue, leaning with her arms around her legs. It was all true, of course. It opened up a danger—a real danger—that something irreversible could happen.

It was likely even—if he was alone. But the two of them could watch one another’s backs, couldn’t they?

When he finally came to a stop she rested her chin on her leg. “…I really wanna have another cup of coffee and watch TV with you—I just, I just don’t want you kicking me out every time I try and lean on you, bro.”

She looked down. “And I’ve thought all that through too—I know that’s a worry. I just—I-I dunno, I figured if we let ourselves relax around one another, we could watch each other’s backs. Y-you know. Cover for one another when they’re around.”

“Getting comfortable is the whole problem, Tomoko. Why do you think I stay away from you? I’ve seen what you’re like when you’re relaxed around your friends!” He shook his head and turned away. “You can’t act like that around men, Tomoko. Especially around your brother. If you’re goofing around and decide to grab my dick, I’m gonna be the one who’s punished for it. That’s just the way our society works. And you know how mom is.”

Tomoko grimaced. “Trust me, Tomoki. I’ve felt her backhand me enough to know how she is.” She huffed sharply, her eyes darted down towards her lap. ” You’re worried that if either of us gets too comfy, we won’t be able to keep that kind of thing under wraps. I mean….fair…”

She huffed. “You’ve seen how I am with the girls. Groping Yuu-chan and shit—I see why you don’t exactly trust me to be, I dunno. ‘Restrained’?”

“I’m glad you can see my point,” he huffed, his arms resting on his knees. “Because no, I don’t fucking trust you to be restrained. I don’t trust you to be secretive. I don’t trust myself either, Tomoko. We’re more alike than you think. I have all the same urges you do, I just can’t get away with it because I’m not a cute high school girl, I’m a scary man, who people will call a rapist, does that make sense?”

Tomoko grimaced.

“…I guess it makes sense. People ain’t as forgiving with guys.” She scuffed her foot against the edge of the chair with a pensive frown. “I don’t think you’re scary though.”

“The question isn’t if you think I’m scary, Tomoko, we’re both completely insane and have terrible taste.” He grimaced, it was almost a sneer. “The question is everybody out there! You can grope your girl friends all day long and it’s a funny joke. The second– the literal second– I put my hands on somebody, boy or girl, and they decide they don’t like it? My reputation is trash and they could bring criminal charges.”

Tomoko leaned over her knee to look into his eyes.

“We are both insane, yeah. And that ain’t fair! I mean—the girls…it’s how we goof around. But society ain’t fair to you, bro.” She bit her lip. “But you’re winding yourself up here, you’re working yourself into a big repressed knot and it’s gonna drive you all the way past insane and into somethin’ worse.”

He shook his head.

“I don’t think you understand how serious this is. I really don’t.” Tomoki stood up and he went to the freezer, taking out a bag of frozen peas. “Come on, I’ll get you to the livingroom. We’ll watch a stupid tv show for a while. And then I’m going to bed. I got like two hours of sleep last night.”

Tomoko curled her leg up towards her chin again.

“I understand it better than you think, Tomoki.” She attempted to sit up with a sharp hiss as the pain in her ankle surged. “I know how serious it is—but I also think you’ve gone and worked yourself up about this to the point where you’re imagining yourself as some kinda barely restrained monster. I—”

He wasn’t going to listen, was he? He was working himself into knots with ‘what ifs’ about his reputation, fear that the moment he shows attraction or intimacy to anyone the world was going to label him a monster and lock him away.

He was hurting, and every time she opened her stupid, worthless mouth she made it worse.

“A tv show sounds fun, sure.”

He came over and scooped his arm under her shoulders to help her up. “Good. Let’s just… try to be normal for a few hours, okay? We can ruin our lives some other time.”

As if they already weren’t. She helped herself up against him, leaning on his side with a soft hiss of pain. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll put on my best ‘normal face’. Nemo helped me practice.”

“Nemo. She’s the one with the pigtails and the exaggerated faces, right?” He sounded relieved to be talking about something else— anything else— as he helped her to the living room.

“Yeah, the cute slut in the pigtails,” Tomoko snickered weakly. “She likes to think she’s living in a moe anime so she pulls the stock reactions. You know—to make life more moe.”

She limped alongside him, trying not to think about how warm he was, or the still clawing sting of worry that she’d never repair their relationship to where it used to be. The old video tape of them talking about marriage flashed in her mind, but she forced it down with a smile and resolved that—at least for a few hours—she’d be normal.

She’d upset him enough for now. Any more and she’d lose him for good.