“I am not kintsugi. My cracks have not been filled in with gold. They have been filled in with teeth and blood and bone. Because that is what I had. And maybe I am not beautiful, but I still hold water. And I am still here.”

How to get declared independent for US Federal Student Aid and not report parents’ incomes

Disclaimer: Consult with financial aid officers before submitting paperwork and consult an attorney’s office before filing with a court. . For US Federal Student Aid, you must provide both of your parents’ incomes unless you can get an override (extremely rare) or can be considered independent. In order to get declared independent, you must be able to answer Yes to one of these questions: Will you be 24 or older by Dec. 31 of the…

What kind of fucking monster defends spanking children!? Just… what!? Spanking isn’t discipline. It doesn’t help children learn what they did wrong, how it was wrong and how to not do it again. All it does is show kids that their wrong doings will make their guardians [the people who “love” them] strike them. It’s a quick “solution” with devastating life-long effects. Talking with your child on why their actions were wrong speaks volumes compared to a strike.

This blog has never, and will never condone the spanking of children, or any physical ‘discipline’ of children under any circumstances.

I’m going to be honest, I’m overweight and I know it. I’m​ trying to be healthier. Everytime I don’t do something my parent wants me to (clean the entire house, walk to the store when I have homework), she calls me lazy and says this is why I’ll never lose weight. She tells me that she just wants me to be pretty/wear nice clothes, but that makes me feel worse. Am I not already beautiful? Do I have no self worth if I’m fat and ugly? Like, I used to think I was beautiful, but I hate myself now.

Oh gosh. My friend. :C you are amazing. You are beautiful. You are a worthwhile person. Your weight, your body shape, neither of those means that you are not worthy of respect and love. You are worthy of respect and love at any size. Everything your mom is telling you is complete garbage meant to make you feel bad. This is the same shit I heard from my parents, and it damaged me for years…

can it even be abuse if I’m not a kid anymore? I’m 22 and my father hasn’t hit me in years, he just tries to control everything I do & gets really mad when I try to do something he doesn’t approve of. but he doesn’t lock me up or anything, he just gets mad & says stuff like I’m not his daughter or calls me stupid and then doesn’t talk to me for a few days/weeks. I’m supposed to be an adult, so I COULD just put all my stuff in my car and drive away? and I don’t, so it can’t be that bad, right?

Abuse is abuse, is abuse, is abuse. It doesn’t matter how old you are, the way they are treating you is not right. Imagine two other adults treating one another that way. Is it abuse? Yes it is.

This isnt really a question. I just want it to more widely known that coddling can be abuse too. My parents were so over protective of me that I never learned how people work. Their “good intentions” for me gave me severe anxiety that I didn’t know wasnt normal. Apparently not being able to make eye contact with people and being constantly worried about everyone hating you isnt normal. More people need to know its not just yelling and hitting. Sometimes it “wanting the best for you” too

Absolutely, anon. Being “overprotective” can definitely become abuse quite easily. Anyone who doesn’t think so should go ahead and watch Disney’s Tangled.

Hey I’m the 21 year old who feels stuck. Thank you thank you for answering and the advice. (1) I meant I have 2 jobs and I feel stupid about that xD and (2) I have a 16 year old brother. And he usually acts super uncaring but last night he asked when I was moving out and said staying alone with them was scary. Nothing they do is illegal so he can’t just leave but now I feel horrible. One more piece of advice would be appreciated, sorry for the inconvenience

Sorry I misread about your jobs, anon! Good for you. I am honestly impressed and proud of you for doing so much. As for your brother… oof. I am so sorry that he’s a part of this abusive household too. It would be nice if you were able to take him with you when you leave, but you need to be your own first priority. if you can’t take him with you immediately, remember that…

Is it insensitive/hurtful to people who never knew their fathers or in whatever way don’t have a dad, to say that I don’t have a dad because mine was and is really abusive and I’m doing my best to cut him out of my life? Can I call him my sperm donor or something? He really wasn’t a dad.

It is absolutely not insensitive or hurtful to others for you to disown your abuser. You are absolutely in the right to do this, and many children of toxic parents do the same thing. You can call him sperm donor, or call him abuser, or any other word that you think fits the terrible things that he did to you.  I am so proud of you for being able to get away and distance yourself…

I don’t really know if this is abuse. I’m scared of my mother to the point of not wanting to leave my room for anything other than my own basic needs, if that. My mom can be very nice and reasonable at times, but she gets really mean a lot as well. She is convinced I don’t have any type of mental illness, even when I show all the symptoms for it, and she blames it on me not caring about my school work when my grades start to slip. I try really hard. (1/2)

(2/2) It’s just hard for me to focus when I start going numb or I get extremely anxious. She’s used my own diary entries against me, showing them to my doctor as proof that I have a “porn addiction” (I watch it once every few weeks, if that), tried to force me to go on the birth control chip, forced me to go to church when she found out I’m Wiccan, and refuses to call…

hey there, my therapist revealed to me recently something that I already knew, but didn’t have a name for, that I have a toxic parent. My mother and I have had issues for a long time. She has basically ruined my life. I go to community college and have to live with her for at the least, 6 more months. I just want any advice you could give for dealing with having to be with her in the coming months. I can barely stand to be around her. She has broken me down mentally and emotionally.

Hi anon, I’m so glad you’ll be able to get out of your abusive situation soon, and I hope that you can make that move permanent. Until you can get out, some tips I have are: 1. No matter what your abuser says, remember that its about them, not you. Even if their words are very hurtful, they’re not true. 2. Try to stay out of the house/out of the way as much as possible/practical.…

I’m 21 living with my emotionally abusive parents. I lived away from them on an exchange trip but my host mom was more abusive so that doesn’t count. Last semester I was away at college but…I felt worse? Less secure and dissociated and depressed and just doing the same routine and being more isolated. I dropped out because they said they wouldn’t help me anymore unless I applied for a military program (they tried to backpedal but too late) 1/2

And now I’m scared I’ll never be able to take care of myself. I ate at the cafeteria and didn’t have monthly bills and struggle with daily tasks as well as surviving socially. When left alone I mostly just read and watch tv. It doesn’t help that I have 1 jobs but I’m still not sure I could afford to live, but they’re the first jobs ever that my mental health can take. And I’m…

My parents are so confusing. One moment they mock me for my mental health issues and gloat about my self harming but then they ignore me completely? Plus they constantly invalidate my emotions, I had a four hour panic attack with crying and hysteria and they wouldn’t let me out the room. They control my life almost entirely and I barely get any respite. They yell at me for not sleeping and ignore my screaming as I wake up from nightmares. My dad has serious anger issues and continues (part 1/2)

Put me and my sister in a constant state of fear. He almost killed us by driving in front of a tram. Another thing is my parents refuse to acknowledge my sexuality and yet they have gay relatives? They confuse me and I don’t know if I’m being over emotional and stupid but I’m actually terrified in this house. My mum yells at me all the time. I’m just so lost and I’m sorry this…

I don’t know if my dad is abusive to be sort of like he has been rough with me a few times but for the most part all he does is just stay in his own lane and not talk to me and he leaves the house for days at a time and I hardly ever get to see him because of his work schedule but if I get anything less than an A on even an assignment I usually get yelled at and if I mess up I get yelled at for being clumsy or being too lazy to do things and I was just wondering if that would be considered abuse

Abuse, and neglect, anon, which is also abuse. The fact that you see him very little does not change the fact that when you do interact, he is abusive towards you. If his being ‘rough’ with you is physical, that’s physical abuse on top of emotional abuse. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

My dad always tells me I need to start growing up but he won’t let me get my driving licence. I can’t get a phone but he always wants to know where I am. I can’t even go out with friends or go to the doctor by myself because he’s so controlling. He tells me I’m weak and a pansy for not doing grown up things but won’t actually let me do grown up things! I’m 16. I can’t even be trusted to walk to the end of the block for some exercise. But he attacks me for not going out to exercise. Ugh!

This is the same behavior my own father displayed. Its all about his control over you. He only wants you to ‘grow up’ insofar as he wants you to do exactly what he tells you.

Hey is what I experienced actually abuse? It’s less than other folks who’ve been asking you here recently and I feel bad. I have like no memories of being a kid and my parents sent me to a preschool that they knew took no interest in my safety even though they could’ve sent me somewhere else. They probably hit me– I know they hit my brother and later lied to us about it with almost the same words they used to reassure me that I was never hit. They gaslit me about my height, telling me I (1/? ✷)

✷ I was shorter than my mom even after I was taller than her and when I said I was 5’2" they insisted I was wrong and still shorter than my mom even though she’s 5’1.5". Also I got yelled at and called son of a b**** when I forgot to unpack my lunchbox and accused of faking my mental illness. And they’re really exorsexist (enbyphobic) and I’m nb so I can’t come out to…

I have practically no memory of my childhood. But then, recent memories are foggy too and it takes effort to remember details. Buuut I’m still an abusive household. Will my memory get better do you think or just stay very foggy except in the moment?

It entirely depends, anon. I have memory problems due to dissociation and trauma related to abuse too. Starting recovery can help, and I recommend talking with an empathetic therapist or counselor who understands what you’re going through.

Hey, do any of your followers have a song that is like, really special and has some story connected to surviving abuse? I feel we should share stories maybe? Mine is Rosanna by Toto. When I was a kid the only time I ever got to be away from my moms manipulative controlling behavior 100% was when I went to grab something for me at the supermarket. The supermarket would play Rosanna all the time. I swear sometimes multiple times in a row. I now associate the song with a sense of freedom.

For me its Christmas carols, anon. My parents were always very careful to behave when we were around relatives at Christmas, so I have a lot of positive memories of that.

i.. tried to kill myself a week ago. i ended up telling a friend ((i figured maybe someone should know?? like.. to know what happened)) but she ended up picking me up and taking me to the nearest hospital (i was not given a choice in this,,) ((but shes so good to me i dont deserve it.)) my mothers response to all this was just to get annoyed/angry at my friend for not taking me to the specific childrens hospital (ill be 18 in a month) that she wanted. i just… is that a normal response,,?

(((hospital anon))) she didnt really.. act like she cared at all. shes still back to her normal ways of screaming at me until i cry and then yelling at me for crying…. i only got out of the hospital and psychiatric ward on tuesday…… it… doesnt feel like she loves me 🙁 Anon, it is not normal for your parent to respond to your trauma, injury and distress with anger. Screaming and yelling at you…

(call me star ✨) im scared that im overreacting to everything. my father scares me deeply and i have anxiety about doing chores because he would yell and scream at me for hours when i wouldnt do them right. i couldnt do a whole unit in math class due to memories of his yelling..but there are times hes caring and nice to me. im so scared ive been wrong this whole time.

Hi Star. 🙂 I’m really sorry but its not normal for a child to be scared of their parents, it is a major sign of abuse. It is no wonder your are scared of your father, because he abused you by screaming at you and terrorizing you for hours. I am so sorry that the memory of this abuse and trauma is having a negative impact on your school work. Its very normal for abusive…

hi i wanted to ask if my mom is abusive if: she screams at me every day for the smallest things(like not anwsering the first time she calls me) threating to hit me with a belt and belliteling me everyday because im not good in school and calling me useless and unworthy and telling me i should be more like my older sibling and saying she wished she never had me (she also once threw a plate at me) and im scared to make her mad 24/7 i have cried and started selfharming because of this (im only 12)

@fairlylocaledgelord your mother is abusive. I am so sorry you are experiencing this abuse, and I hope you will be able to get away soon. Threatening to hit you is abuse. Screaming at you is abuse. Insulting you and telling you you are worthless is abuse. Throwing things at you is abuse and assault. Please look for friends or relatives who might be able to understand your situation and take you in, and check the…

hello, i’m scared of being around my dad because he’s very short tempered and gets angry at me. we’ve got in arguments where he’d raise his fist to me and everyone considers his behaviour normal, he belittles me and makes me feel awful. one time i asked him why he was so confident and he said he wasn’t going to tell me anything because I “use it against him”, he was never there for me when i was in hospital and both my parents ignored me while i was. my mum is getting better but i was 1/2

2/2 just wondering if you would consider my situation abusive? he’s definitely verbally abusive and never offers emotion support but does to his girlfriend and her daughter, he consistently makes me feel like a bad person and shouts at me if i ask questions about anything. it’s really upsetting for me and i don’t see him much at all but i was just wondering if you have any ideas on how to cope with the…

My parents have slapped me with hands shoes, thrown things at me. Ect. They’ve thrown me across the room into a wall and pick on me constantly. Then tell me I’ve no reason to be unhappy and flinch when I’m near them. They’ve invaded my privacy and manipulate me into guilty feelings. How do I get out? I can’t report it, I’m close to 16.!

Being 16 doesn’t mean you can’t report it, anon, but I understand if you chose not to.  I am so sorry that your parents have been abusing you like this. It sounds like they are physically and emotionally abusive, as well as badly gaslighting you. You should look in the tags list for tips on escaping abuse. Some avenues that you might want to start with are: *researching youth shelters *finding friends or relatives who…

my mom keeps wanting me to come back to her house even though im trying to get away from her. im at my dads, and i have a right to be where i want to be (im 16) my mom has abused me/my sisters and lately whenever i think of her i just go numb. she’s forcing me to come over and “talk” but i know she’s going to want to yell at me again. im really scared. my counselor told me i should take a break from her and so has my dad, but now she won’t talk to me over text and is “threatening” to call my dad

Listen to your counselor and your dad, anon. Don’t engage with your mother when she’s like this. You know what’s going to happen, no matter what she says. She’s just going to abuse you. Here are some tips on setting and keeping boundaries with your abusive parents. http://oftoxicparents.tumblr.com/post/160558648233/setting-boundaries-with-your-abusive-parents

Where would the line be crossed for a mentally ill parent to become flat out abusive? And is it possible for one child to be abused more than another? I have a parent who seems to use manipulation under the guise of their illness, and while I don’t want to think of them as abusive, they’re ticking off symptoms one by one. My poor sister is just starting college and is getting a lot of the trouble, whereas I’m mostly left alone because they “don’t feel like I’ll get into trouble much”

Abusive behaviors and patterns are abusive no matter who is behind them, or what is causing them. Mental illness is a reason for abuse, but it is not an excuse for it. You do not deserve or have to tolerate or understand abuse from a mentally ill parent any more than you do from a non-mentally ill parent. Mental illness does not negate the harm and trauma that abuse cause. As for whether one child…

Not sure if this was abuse or not. I was always scared of my father. He was on drugs, threatened me with death, abused my mom, and yelled. I’m not a quick person and he got upset at me when I couldn’t keep up at his pace while trying to do things. “You’re not a retard, don’t act like one” or “What is wrong with you?” We never could seem to keep our basic utillites on, like water and electric, bc he spent the money on drugs. When I was young, he pushed my mom down stairs. (*Part 1*)

(*Part 2*) She was lying on the floor bleeding and unconsious, while he ran out the back door, and I was panicked and terrified. I blacked out after that, and have no memory of what came next. I’m sorry, I just felt like. I needed validation of some kind bc the stairs incident was 1 time?? he says he loves us. My mom loves him and says all of it was her fault so if…

(1/?) My mother has sorta mellowed out in the past few months, but when I was younger, she acted pretty crazy. Whenever I made a little mistake (like spilling a glass of water for example) she would beat me with belts and stuff, and on occasion has left some black and blue bruises on my siblings. She would also scream a lot of nasty insults at us (such as “I hate you” or using offensive names like bitch and faggot) Sometimes she apologizes, but its really passive aggressive, like she’ll say

(2/?) “I’m sorry for making you upset, but I will not apologize for punishing you” I’m not entirely sure if all this is considered abuse though, since she’s not always like this. She can be super duper nice too, and give me lots of compliments, but then the next minute, she’ll go back to her old ways. It’s pretty scary to be honest. But I don’t really blame her for all the bad things she…